Herb Jeffries, NASA’s launch operations chief, called a press conference today to denounce the rumors that NASA has any involvement with ‘getting the party started’. Jeffries addressed the media, ‘It’s called identity theft people! Some young punk listens to a song with a man doing a launch countdown then is bombarded with tasteless music. We here at NASA are not those kind of ‘people’. Do you know how many times I get stopped on the street asking me what time the ‘partying’ is launching off? It’s maddening.
Jeffries then spent the next 27 minutes switching from banging furiously on his podium, shouting racial slurs to fixing his comb over. “NASA is a serious place people. We don’t have time to party or go ‘clubbing’ as you apes do! Lives are at stake with our job. Do you know what will happen if all decided to ‘get jiggy’ during a mining operation? One millimeter off during drilling means everyone on board could be killed!!!”
Jeffries then began accosting the reporters, accusing them of twisting his words to suit their liberal agenda, and then demanded a ban on all hip-hop, R&B, and House music, saying anyone who is caught by him listening to that music will be marked for death.
Jeffries then left the podium as his colleagues tried frantically to shut him up and apologizing to the media saying, “he doesn’t speak for NASA”.
Meanwhile, young kids everywhere were too busy doing
anything other than listen to ‘old man Jeffries’ as they call him and went
about their day as if the conference had never occurred. Later, Jeffries was
found dead in a field wearing a Klu Klux Klan Imperial Wizard robe with a note
taped to his dead corpse. “High Wizard Jeffries does not speak for us. – KKK”