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June 13, 2014

A comprehensive guide to the first 4 warning signs of a crazy life partner.

4 Red Flags That Your Significant Other Might Be Crazy

It’s that time of year again, folks. Summer love is in the air, and baby cupid has been away sharpening his arrows all winter, waiting to snipe unsuspecting singles (or those of you okay with adultery). While dating can be a fun and fulfilling experience, it doesn’t hurt to err on the side of caution, as it’s easy to let your guard down and get sucked into an un-escapable pit of crazy, the only exit of which consists of a horrible break up that will undoubtedly scar you for life. Drawing from some of my own experiences, I have compiled this list of red flags that your significant other might be crazy.

  • They Say “I love you” Kind of Early- This to me is a huge red flag. If it’s only been four, maybe five dates in and they already consider themselves so impressed with your personality and overall demeanor that they feel the need to drop the “L Bomb”, you should definitely proceed with caution, this person is obviously impulsive and needy.

  • They Buy Things For You- Now I love receiving a good gift as much as anybody else, true. But getting an unwarranted gift (Not on a Birthday or holiday) from a significant other is a huge burden. Now that they’ve taken the time and money to give you a thoughtful gift that may have varying degrees of sentiment or practicality, you now have to go and do the same. Simply receiving a gift without giving one back is “rude”, so now you’re expected to go out into the world and one-up the present you just got. So when you think about it, did they simply give you a gift? Or, did they give you a mediocre gift knowing full well that they would get an even better one via you one-upping their gift? If that doesn’t scream crazy I don’t know what does.

  • They Want to Spend Time With You- Ive seen this happen time and time again: a boy falls in love with a girl and suddenly his friends never see him again. Don’t be so quick with those “missing boy” signs, however, as it turns out he was only kidnapped figuratively, as he’s spending all of his free time over at Becky’s house making out and touching her butt. What he doesn’t realize is by succumbing to these temptations of the flesh, he has single-handedly alienated himself from his whole circle of friends without even knowing or caring! And don’t think that this is a problem just for the fellas; while Bobby’s friends are struggling to find a new short-stop for the neighborhood ball team, Becky’s friends now feel incomplete without the only friend they had whose parents let her take the car, and now have to take public transportation to go loiter at the mall. Sickening, just sickening.

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  • They Compliment You- Okay this one may be a bit of a stretch, but hear me out. When a man or woman compliments you, whats their endgame? To boost your self esteem? Possibly. To re-assure to themselves that they made the right decision in choosing you as a life-mate? Very plausible. To very subtly ensure that you never leave them by complimenting them on things nobody else ever would like wardrobe choice or physical appearance? I think so. This is a strategy that requires the utmost patience and careful tactics to pull off, but once you find yourself entangled in a relationship in which your significant other throws you an occasional compliment, it most certainly is hard to break out. The beauty in this kind of conditioning lies in its simplicity: by praising you for your decision to do your makeup in just the right way or tuck your shirt in for once, your life partner has very carefully asserted their dominance over you, and made you no better then one of pavlov’s hounds. The best way to handle this, is to simply never do anything praise-worthy, and if they still love you then you, my friend, have found a winner.

Well guys and gals I hope that this helps shed light on some early warning signs of crazy, and hopefully you follow your heart and do what feels right when one of these inevitably happens. Cheers!