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July 15, 2011

Detailing some of the proposed programs on the newly implemented KKKTV network...


Firstly, let me just state that the Ku Klux klan and everything affiliated with it is lame. I know this. You know this. Everybody with half a brain knows this. Anyone who shaves their head to disparage an entire race must be in possession of an extra chromosome.

I mean, seriously... What does shaving your hair prove? How does it hurt your intended target? How can you be so overcome with indignation and hatred that your only recourse is to give yourself a buzzcut? Where's the logic in that?
 All it does is serve to make you easily identified as a racist cocknuckle who is unable to appreciate the comedic stylings of Urkel or The Fresh Prince.

I believe that this intense hatred partially relates to the fact that if an African American shaves their head, they look cool; if a white guy does it, people just assume that they have Cancer... Or they're Phil Collins.
And that hurts.

To further cement the point that I'm not racist in any way, here's a picture of me with one of my African American friends. See, I love black people.

The progenitors of every war ever, the Jewish community, however, well that's another story altogether, Sugartits.

Now that we can dispel with the accusations of racism, let's get down to the crux of the article.
 If you've been watching the news lately, you'll knowThe Ku klux Klan have decided that since the modern media has become too 'liberal', in that it allows people of other ethnicities to appear on televison screens, but never screens 'Hitler's Happy Hour' or anything starring Al Jolson in Blackface, that they are going to create their own all white supremacist televison network, KKKTV *.

Look at that face. It was just made for slapping. Preferably whilst you are watching 'Song of the South.' 


KKKTV will air both original programming and cut down versions of shows that appear on other networks. So kinda like how Utah Mormonises every movie to conform to their whacky, magical underpants wearing society.

The effects of  'Klanification' can be found in shows like 'The K Team', which is basically 'The A Team' with scenes of B.A Baracus removed, and 'Will and Grace', which has been so heavily edited that it's now only known as 'Karen'.

"So, first we're gonna burn some crosses and lynch a few innocent folks, then we'll get back in time for the wedding episode of 'Friends'. Hail Fuhrer Schwimmer!"

They have also implemented some original programming that pertains to their 'White Power!' interests, retooling popular concepts to appeal to the cross burning crowd.

Such televisual abominations as listed below:

1) N.Y.P.D Prussian Blue

2) Hanging Mr. Cooper

3) Everybody hates Chris... Especially us. (For reasons unrelated to his personality)

4) The Amazing Aryan Race

5) The Grand Wizards of Waverley Place

6) Seinfeld

7) Master-Race Chef

8) White Rider

9) The Klan Show with Jimmy Kimmel

10) Boyz in the white hood

11) America's next top Holocaust Denier

12) Baywatch Knights... of the Ku Klux Klan (Much like the Germans, the KKK love David Hasselhoff with a passion. A violent, race hating passion, but passion nonetheless.)

And just to prove, once again, that I'm not racist, here's another picture of me with some of my 'Homies'. I'm the one wearing black, which is my favourite of all the shades.

* This isn't actually happening. At all. In reality the KKK are as useless as a condom machine in the Vatican.
They should all get a potato, wrap it in foil, congregate in a barn, burn a cross and then die in the ensuing blaze. At least then I'd have a couple of hundred baked potatoes.

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