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August 08, 2008


Jenna_Jameson_pregnant.jpg Los Angeles, CA - Adult film star Jenna Jameson and Ultimate Fighting Champion Tito Ortiz worked with doctors to develop a revolutionary new conception technique that has resulted in the porn starlet's pregnancy. After a failed attempt at in vitro fertilization, Jameson, Ortiz and a team of fertility experts created a new conception technique they're calling "Ultimate Double Penitro Fertilization" or UDPF.

UDPF incorporates the latest methods in fertility science: Ultimate Fighting and hard core pornography. The UDPF process is begun when the prospective parents enter a caged-in octagonal space and the male immobilizes or submits the female by using a technique from Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu called a sweep kick. The female then begins grappling the males penis with her mouth while simultaneously thrusting a stainless steal Phun Plug into his anus and pummeling his legs and stomach with a series of punches, elbow thrusts and occasional head butts.

Jameson stresses that a good spouse/fighter involved in this phase of UDPF will still "pay attention to the balls". Once the male frees his penis from the mouth of his competitor/spouse, he then gets her to the mat where his tongue and her clitoris engage in full contact licking, sucking and spelling the alphabet. The female, who wears Horny Housewife clothes or full-body Tiger make-up then removes the phun plug from her opponents pucker and places it into her own sweet, pink, balloon-knot thereby completing the first phase of the 'double' penetration.

The second half of the double penetration commences when the male places every inch of his throbbing, veinny man-hood into the females moist love pocket.  After several minutes of mutual-genital grappling, thrusting, and grinding, both male and female spew spunk/baby-batter all over and into each other thereby completing the UDPF process.