WASHINGTON- Congress wasted no time, calling forth “Game of Thrones,” creator George RR Martin and several main characters from the HBO hit series, to explain last night’s episode entitled “The Rains of Castamere,” which left many Americans traumatized.
“Last night’s episode was like a kick straight to the balls,” said House Speaker John Boener (R-Ohio) as he walked out of today’s hearings. “Honestly, I was sick to my stomach as I watched the events of the ‘Red Wedding,’ unfold,” Boener continued. “I was like, What!? Oh, no they didn’t. This ain’t right. This ain’t right, at all! Then I jumped on Twitter, to see what other people were saying and, as I suspected a lot people were pretty shaken by what had happened and I was like, we gotta do somethin’ about this. That’s when I called around and arranged for this hearing today.”
Congressman Eric Cantor (R-Virginia) who participated in today’s hearing told Capitol Hill reporters, “We called today’s hearing to discuss, who knew what, when.” Rep. Cantor went on to say: “We just simply cannot have people going around creating hit TV series and developing prominent characters which the American people follow for years on end only to kill off those characters, willy-nilly. It’s irresponsible and the American people deserve better than this.”
When asked about today’s hearings show creator George RR Martin said in part: “When I first wrote the book, I honestly figured only really, super-nerdy people would read it; so I thought- Screw it. I’m gonna write something that’ll really mind-fuck these nerds. I never anticipated it being made into a TV show and being seen by so many people. If I did (think it was going to be made into a TV show) I never would incorporated so many crazy heart wrenching plot twists because I know Americans really hate that shit.”
House Oversight Committee Chairman, Rep. Darrell Issa (R-California) says he thinks the surprise twists in the Game of Thrones episode may have a White House connection. “We really don’t know how far this thing goes,” Rep. Issa told Capitol Hill reporters. “I have it on good authority that this episode could, maybe, possibly have been ordered by the White House, and it may even, possibly have direct links to Obama himself.” When asked to comment further on the White House connection, Rep. Issa said, “The investigation is ongoing, but I’m thinking Obama ordered this deeply disturbing episode so the American people would stop talking about Benghazi and the IRS thingy and focus on Game of Thrones.” Rep. Issa added, “The Obama-Game of Thrones connection could possibly be the biggest scandal in America’s two hundred-and-whatever year long history and I’m not resting till the connection between Obama and Game of Thrones is made.”
The Game of Thrones,“Red Wedding” Congressional hearing will continue tomorrow when Daenerys Targaryen and Tyrion Lannister are expected to address the hearing’s panel.