If you didn't like the last one, just hit, 'next blog'. It used to hurt my feelings when you stopped reading, now I take it as a compliment. I've seen what you're made of and if I have to be like you, so you'll read me, then I'd hate me too. I'm a strong believer and God has a great sense of humor. Take one look at my ass and you'll know it's true.
I have nothing against most religion, but don't agree with people who judge others. I sin, even in my sleep, so who am I to judge? I'm too busy sinning. Sometimes it seems if the world were perfect, biblical views would work out as they were intended.
My mother went to Catholic school throughout high school. At 3, my youngest son loved Pope Benedict XVI so much we made a scrap book. He called him, 'the poke,' and would actually watch him on tv. I poke cuz there's just too much material in that robe to ignore.
After the election, they partied like it was 5 BC. The country band, 'Alabama,' revised their classic, "You Can't Keep A Good Man Down," by adding, "Unless God Says So." After FedEx delivered a package, smoke was seen encircling the chapel chimney. That went on til some bitch from Massachusetts showed up and said it was her potpourri.
It was Vicar of Christ Mania as his groupies clamored for him to choose a hash tag.
It's only been a day, but sponsor offers are crawling outta the conclave. Give the guy a break, he hasn't even had breakfast. He wanted eggs benedict XVII, but settled for Extra Large Wheeties With Flakes of Biblical Proportions cuz he has to control his appetites and they stay crunchy even in wine.
MTV offered to pimp the pope mobile,
But he's goin green. Sister Batrill has offered her services.
And Viagra wants him to be their new spokesperson cause he really can't get it up. I mean, what the fuck does he do with it? It says right on the label, if you experience priapism lasting longer than 6 decades wear a flowing gown and a large distracting hat. The campaign was made for him!
Francis is a champion for the poor so he's bought the trailer next to Honey Boo Boo's and is holding a, 'Pope For A Day Contest'. First contender was Hef until Francis reminded us, "Jesus Christ bathed lepers and ate with prostitutes." Since that's pretty much Hef's life, he now thinks he's Jesus.
Ya know, Jesus loves Hef, but I bet he makes him throw up in his mouth. I don't wanna be pope for a day, but would give almost anything to beat the shit out of Hefner with a hot Playboy magazine. Or at least knock that, "I just ate some sour puss grin off his face." Doesn't he look like he his tongue is stick to the top of his mouth with Gonorrhea? Gross dude, most people use peanut butter.
Ok sorry...Other contenders are: Big Foot
cause he empathizes with Francis, as many also believe he was born of mythology.
cause she's a virgin too.
cause he's pretty sharp.
And The Pope In Fresh Dough Boy.
Ya gotta admit he's got the hat. As expected, Oprah's demanded a recount.
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