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October 05, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Twitter suspended the joke account of @FiredBigBird, created in response to comments from Wednesday's presidential debate. They did the same thing to @FiredJimLehrer but then apologized when they realized it was real.

Singer Chris Brown reportedly broke up with his girlfriend so he can get back together with Rihanna. "What's this? Chris Brown treating a woman poorly?" said a time traveling English gentleman who just arrived this week.

Former Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine said his being fired after just a year was "quite cordial." You know, like you would expect from people in Boston who love the Red Sox.

Scientists have found a new kind of dinosaur that may have resembled a parrot-porcupine-vampire hybrid. They believe it's natural predator was a hawk-bear-teenage girl hybrid.

During this week's presidential debate, Mitt Romney failed to clarify how the country can afford his proposed tax cuts. Slightly worse: Obama failed to clarify how Mitt Romney failed to clarify how the country can afford his proposed tax cuts.

Speaking in Iowa, Joe Biden mocked Mitt Romney's debate performance. Obama: You know you had a rough night when you need Joe Biden to articulate what you should've said.

In Boston, authorities have lost track of a convicted rapist who was recently freed on bail. They're warning all Major League Baseball teams that Bobby Valentine could be anywhere.

A Russian boy found an almost complete 30,000-year-old woolly mammoth carcass. Though to be fair, in Russia, wooly mammoth carcass finds YOU.

In Texas, a horse died from the West Nile virus. Our condolences to Matthew Broderick.

The Parents Television Council is criticizing the decision to have "Family Guy" creator Seth MacFarlane host the Oscars. But hey, remember that time when the Parents Television Council got into a snowball fight with the cast of "Glory"?