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July 27, 2016
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He’s shy, okay? He doesn’t want to seem like he's bragging about how much money he makes.

Donald Trump is refusing to release his tax returns, despite calls from both Republicans and Democrats to do so and despite that every Republican presidential nominee since Ronald Reagan has done so. Here are some theories as to why.


  • His accountant is very behind dealing with all his bankruptcies. Just won’t make the deadline.
  • Two years ago he “accidentally” listed Ivanka as his spouse.
  • His full name is Donald Hillary Trump.
  • Listed Vladimir Putin as a dependent.
  • $400,000 investment in company called “Replacement Hairs”
  • Just waiting for Russia to inevitably one day turn against him and leak the returns against his will.
  • Under occupation he just wrote “I’M BALD, OK? Is that what you want to hear!?“
  • Would reveal donations to the KKK and the Wharton School for Jerks.
  • Unsightly grease marks from where Trump pressed his nose up against the paper because he thought he could smell money.
  • Melania would see that Ivanka makes way more than her.
  • Even though every Republican nominee since 1980 has released tax returns, Trump likes to break with tradition. That’s also why he is breaking with the longstanding tradition of the nominee publicly behaving in a "somewhat presidential manner.”
  • Let’s just say the real reason rhymes with “schmuestionably schmegal schmRussian schmonnections.”
  • Listed Omarosa as a dependent.
  • He’s shy, OK? He doesn’t like making a big deal out of things and doesn’t want it to seem like he’s bragging about how totally rich he is.
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