I’ve been told that the secret to successful writing, whether it’s comedy, drama, or even obituaries, is to read…go to movies…watch sports…hang out at bars…listen to music, throw paper airplanes out windows, throw windows at airplanes, hang out in bars, just experience life! Unfortunate side effects include slight memory loss and the rearrangement of facts. I can’t remember, have you ever read these books?
The Legend of Sleepless in Seattle Hollowby Washington Irving
Take “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” and mash it together with “Sleepless in Seattle,” and you get Tom Hanks falling in love with Johnny Depp. However the misfortunes of love separates Tom’s head from his body and places it twenty nine states away, where Johnny arranges for the topless Hanks to reunite with his noggin on the top of the Empire States Building. Unfortunately, Meg Ryan appears and ruins everything by faking an orgasm within a volcano.
All ends happily ever after when Johnny gives head to Charlie Bucket. Oompady-Doo!
Ian Fleming's A View to a Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee
The first in the ‘Boo’ Radley franchise where our hero goes after such fem fatales as Atticus Likasaylor, Scout Kukaysinmilk, and the fiendish Dr. Blowfinch! Will ‘Boo’ survive the mockingbird’s caw? Can he overcome prejudice in the deep south and still retain his “Double O” status? Only hard times will tell.
Star Trek II: The Grapes of Wrath of Kahn by John Steinbeck
Ricardo Montalbán’s final role where he reunites with the crew of the starship Enterprise.
Kirk and Spock must convince Kahn to pay higher wages to the crew or face forced migration to the planet Tattoo. Once there, Kahn grants Spock his ultimate fantasy and finally lets him direct! His first test of cinematic direction is to lock Captain Kirk in the closet with Commander Sulu for three minutes in Heaven after utilizing the slingshot effect around the sun.
Nuclear Vessels abound!
And Coming Soon:
John Steinbeck's Of Mice and X-Men: The Last Stand
Dr. Suess' Green Eggs and Hamlet
Dante's Towering Inferno : An Irwin Allen Production
William Shakespeare's Blue Collar Comedy Tour of Errors
George Orwell's Animal Farm House
George Orwell's (Class of) 1984
Silas Marner: Pet Detective
L'artiste Naguère Connu Comme le Petit Prince
Agatha Christie's "And Then There Were Nun"
Ooops.....I punned too far!
Things overheard in a book store:
From the "She likes me better. Nya!" Department
Customer: Which of these two diabetic books will help me with my diabeties?
Me: Well, both titles were put out for the same purpose. To help you find answers.
Customer: Yes. But which one is better?
Me: Well...this one SELLS better. (pointing to the yellow cover I recognize the most.)
Customer: So you are saying this book is best for my condition.
Me: No. You need to ask your doctor that question.
Customer: But I don't like him.