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June 21, 2008
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A Rod Sucks

Jim McPartland

Funnyordie.com/jbmcpart

 

Hello Sports Fans-

My friend Chris and I have been having this raging, yet healthy, debate over Alex Rodriguez of the dreaded Bronx Bombers.

Chris loves him. Statistically during the regular season over his career, he is very good. OK, statistically he's great.

I point out a few things-

1) In the post season (the Ring is the goal), he's a combination of Barry Bonds and my dog. Sleeps. Coughs every now and then. Goes to the bathroom in the dugout because he 'can't wait'. I think one of the reasons they fired Joe Torre is because he complained to Steinbrenner that it started to smell bad and it wasn't just Jason Giambi's jock strap.

2) I have multiple 1rst hand accounts of people who have met him. He is so full of himself, that getting him to say hello to a crippled child or try to take a picture of (or with) him is akin to kissing the Pope's ring. At least the Pope bows and says thank you in 73 languages if you can get close enough.

I told Chris that over the last 3 years, I'd rather have Albert Pujols. Statistically, it's a dead heat (regular season). Postseason, Albert does not go to sleep, is not like any dog I can think of, and gets an 'A' in ‘proper use of the bathroom facilities’. I also have 1rst hand accounts on Mr. Pujols. A gentleman. Appreciates his come from nowhere upbringing. Christian (I have no idea about A Rod's beliefs, but it would not surprise me he's into Wicken).

Chris says I put too much emphasis into the 'person' and their character- both on and off the field (an example would be Andy Petitte or Jorge Posada).

I said yes, I'd rather have a great guy on my team than an ego trip like Rodriguez. That's why the Yankees are the worst team money can buy- there's no soul, just a bunch of statistically good players the mesh like oil and vinegar.

Your thoughts?

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Ed note- it was announced yesterday, 7/6/08, A Rod's wife has filed for divorce. She's visiting Lenny Kravtiz. A Rod is hanging with older than yesrtday's paper Madonna- who's also filed for divorce. They're all jerks.

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