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In Team USA’s World Cup match against Belgium, Tim Howard pulled off the unthinkable. Not only did he have a record-setting 16 saves, but he also managed to get Americans REALLY excited about soccer. Like really excited. Like “we might even think about this again sometime before the next World Cup” excited. Yeah, he was that good.

His defensive performance was SO incredible, in fact, that shortly after the game, one internet citizen swapped out boring ol' Chuck Hagel and promoted Mr. Howard to U.S. Secretary of Defense on Wikipedia.

Hell, an idiot could argue that the entire U.S. Defense budget would be better spent on someone like Tim Howard then on the numerous senseless wars we have found ourselves in over the last fifteen … wait, where am I going with this? This is supposed to be serious goof journalism.

Anyhow, the move was so perfect, even Wikipedia found Jimmy Wales felt he needed to chime in.

Of course, it was all for not, as the U.S. lost 2-1 in extra time. However, something tells me, he’ll be OK when it’s all said and done.


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