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October 28, 2008


To the Youth of America,

As a writer for "Family Guy" (one of your favorite shows), it is entirely possible that I am responsible for one or more of your favorite offensive and/or "Star Wars" jokes. But for just a moment, I want to be serious and talk about next Tuesday's election, and while I do not speak for everyone affiliated with the show, I'm going to pretend like I do and encourage all of you to get out and vote on November 4th... for the black guy, not the old guy.

Some of you might be met with long lines at polling stations, but who cares? You probably don't have a job to go to and if you do have a job you probably hate it, so what difference does it make if you're a little late? Most of you would blow off your job to stand in line all night to get a new iPhone, or be the first to play "Guitar Hero: World Tour", or get free tickets to some shitty, horrible, unfunny Dane Cook concert; so why wouldn't you wait in line a little while to change the world?

Now, some of you might get to the end of this long line and realize some nefarious douche-nozzle has scrubbed your name from the voter rolls. This was probably done illegally and by some doughy, white gentleman who sweats a lot and has never had consensual sex. Make sure that you are not a victim of this asshole's plot to overthrow our government. Bring multiple forms of I.D., have the phone number of the local election commissioner on hand, and use your phone to record everyone and everything that stands in the way of you casting your vote. Then tell everyone who will listen that you were denied your rights. Blast the video everywhere you can. Post it on YouTube, email it to the news (not Fox News) and make sure the world knows what happened.

Believe it or not, you guys are the most important voting block in America. You have the power to change the direction of our country and the world. Don't blow it! Put down the bong, pause "Call of Duty 4", grab your cleanest t-shirt, get off your ass and vote!