Full Credits

Stats & Data

November 04, 2017

10 Tips for Voting on Tuesday. Make it smart, make it count. Make sure you vote. Ballots are important. I don't want to hear you complain about the current state of government and political affairs if you didn't even vote. Vote for Jesus. Chairman of the town council for Hugsby, NE 2018.

1. Always go with your gut instinct. Trust the candidate that not only seems the most powerful, but also the most attractive.

2. Never listen to your family or friends, they’re all wrong and peddling their own idiosyncratic version of “values”.

3. Climb a tree and sit there. The poll administrator will find you and advise you on who best to vote for, reasons why, and advice on how to get down from a magnolia without falling.

4. Develop poll bots through Raspberry Pi interfaces which hack the registration firewall, create user accounts, and submit ballots for the Democrats of your choosing.

5. Select candidates with names closely resembling yours.

6. Write in the comment section that none of the above are qualified, but your Aunt Mable has been applying to be Secretary to the Treasurer of Vermont’s Women’s Badminton League for three years why hasn’t she even been nominated?

7. Call all your Republican friends and ask which candidates they hate the most, then vote for those persons.

8. Call all your Libertarian friends and ask which candidates they love the most , then request that after the phone call they shower at least once this weekend.

9. Don’t vote. Elections are rigged. America was built by thieves. Thank God for my ac unit and community pool tho cause summer was brutal.

10. Vote for Jesus. Last name, Guevara. Truly inspiring story of how his family immigrated and have built their own small businesses. Chairman of the town council for Hugsby, NE 2018.