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Published February 16, 2012

 

 

THE MEET

It was December 2009 and a friend invited me to his Upper West Side home for an afternoon Christmas party replete with holiday spirits and an open fire.  The open house was nice and I met one of his college friends – AcidRose – who was tall, athletic, and had amazing wavy brown hair.  Would I like to go with AcidRose to the Duke basketball game at Madison Square Garden with an extra ticket that he had?  Of course, I would.

As soon as we sat down at the game, he began his soliloquy.  The high points include his week long acid trip, culminating in an ocean drowning suicide attempt, meeting Jesus IN PERSON, washing ashore in North Carolina, and living to tell about it.  It was only after this story that I realized he was more fried than a sunburned Janis Joplin.

THE FIRST DATE

AcidRose’s flight home had been cancelled due to a snowstorm on the evening that we met, so serendipitously he was in town for two more nights and asked if I would have dinner with him.  Sure.  Fine.  We met at Blue Water Grill in NYC and sat down for dinner.  We ordered our meals and they arrived without event.  Before I could pick up my fork, he reached for my hands across the table to say a blessing.  In the center of the restaurant we remained with locked hands, heads bowed, praying over our food.  I was totally ok with this still and let me make clear that this is NOT the weird part of the evening.

We were praying for so long that the waitress came back to the table and asked how everything tasted and on auto-pilot I say it’s great. That’s when I could see him squirm in his seat like serpentines from the Garden of Eden were crawling up his pant leg.  I could read this guy like a large font Dr. Seuss book.  ”Are you mad that I just lied to the waitress about the food tasting good before I tried it?”  Yes.  Yes, he was mad that I had just sinned.  Oh hell.

I get through dinner and we go for a coffee afterwards.  It’s just so hard to separate the movie star handsome from the Jesus freak crazy.  But alas, I say goodnight and head home.  Over then next 3 hours he called me a handful of times gushing over what a wonderful time he had and how he hopes that I will someday marry him.  I gently inform him that I consulted my horoscope and Ouija board, which told me that this would not be the future.  Let me reiterate that this is still NOT the weird part of the date.

It’s about 1PM the following day when I get a call from the security desk of my office building because I have a guest downstairs.  Now this IS the weird part of the story.  I go down to the lobby and AcidRose is standing there holding a loose guitar (sans case) like we are in some Drew Barrymore Rom Com.  I yank his sleeve and escort him to about the most private place I can find.  I whisper, “I thought I made it perfectly clear that I am not going to marry you.”  To which he replies… and I quote him directly…  ”I THINK YOU’LL FEEL DIFFERENTLY ONCE YOU HEAR THE SONG THAT I WROTE.”

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