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April 21, 2016
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The Scarf Workers World Alliance (SWWA) said in a statement made public Thursday that the scarf industry cannot say for certain if it can survive the death of famed pop star 'Prince' who was a major purchaser of the garment over the span of his 35 year illustrious career.

The Scarf Workers World Alliance (SWWA) said in a statement made public Thursday that the scarf industry cannot say for certain if it can survive the death of famed pop star ‘Prince’ who was a major purchaser of the garment over the span of his 35 year illustrious career.

Prince accounted for buying over 25% of the world’s scarves. Along with Johnny Depp and Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler, Prince helped make up the ‘Scarf Trilogy’ that is responsible for seeing the scarf industry through many lean years. Without Prince, many experts predict that unless the world’s hipsters make up the difference, the industry has months, if not weeks, to survive.

Police and other officials have been called in to centers of scarf production to help quell violence if need be as nobody can say for sure what the world-wide cessation of scarf production will mean. Marian T. Wellington, a 12th generation scarf maker living in Lexington KY, couldn’t hold back his emotions as he made the following statement. “We’re done. It’s over. I have to pull my kid out of university now and my other kids just might just starve as a result. I’m going to have to sell everything. My family might as well be buried in that purple coffin right along side him!”

There has been no word from world governments as calls for aid have been called in areas hit hardest by the “great scarf crisis of 2016” as historians will undoubtedly calling the event. The Red Cross and other humanitarian organizations have all been made on call and at the ready for the disaster that is sure to come. American president Barack Obama urged those across the world to pray for the victims of this tragedy and to ‘buy a scarf for God’s sake’. Most agree that no truer words were ever uttered by a world leader.

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