SPOILER ALERT: Don’t read this if you haven’t seen it. Also, I think as a culture we’re passed the point where we need these alerts. You should know by now not to click something like this if you don’t want spoilers. Anyway,huge announcement.

American Gods was picked up for Season 2!!!

Thanks to the God Squad’s millions of weekly worshippers we’re getting at least eight more episodes next season! Cue the celebratory 10 Hour Airhorn

and now the recap episode 3 ‘Head Full Of Snow’

#1 Death Knocks

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 11.46.22 PM.png

TFW your studio apartment becomes a studio casket.

Dying sucks. No more eating sandwiches, being a Vine Star, yelling in babies faces, it’s a bummer. Unless Anubis is ushering you to the other side. He’s like the dad I always wanted – gentle, complimentary, and I know what he looks like.

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 9.03.12 PM.png

“I am Death,and I believe in you.”

After ripping out Mrs. Fadil’s heart (now that’s more like my dad), and weighing it on the scales of Osiris, she walks through a door into Duat. It’s a beautiful start to a beautifully romantic episode about acceptance.

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 9.10.52 PM.png

This is an odd picnic.


There is an ENDLESS amount of symbolism throughout each episode, and this one is no different. I highly (meaning watch it high) recommend viewing each episode multiple times. This show is deeper than the bottom of a blackhole.

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 9.09.09 PM.png

“Fitting that to avoid Hell we climb to Heaven up a Fire Escape.”

#2 If You Kiss A Virgin You Keep The Moon

Those are the rules. Shadow meets the third sister, Zorya Polunochnaya (Erika Kaar) on the roof, and becomes her first kiss. She hates it.

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 9.18.29 PM.png

“…also I’m 16 years old. Kidding, I’m 14,000.”

Even though she’s not into lip-locking she still gives him the moon to put in his pocket for protection. He needs it too, especially from Czernobog. Speaking of –

#3 Czernobog’s Feet Are Savage

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 9.19.58 PM.png

Hammer Toes!

Actor Peter Stormare’s feet look like filthy shrimp with scoliosis. Soon as everyone watching this episode saw them we were like

“Welp, I can’t unsee that.”

And the God of Evil loved every second of it.

#4 Mr. Wednesday & Zorya Vechernayaya Are My Jack & Rose

Hey Titanic, take a hike. Watching these two love birds share a rain soaked smooch is my new favorite love story. This is what NSYNC sang about in It’s Gonna Be Me.

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 9.25.17 PM.png

Baby, when you finally,
Get to love somebody
Guess what,
It’s gonna be me.

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 9.26.46 PM.png

Also, this would make an epic song lyric.

#5 BoingBoingBoing Mad Sweeney’s A Cartoon

Pablo Schreiber is terrific. He plays Mad Sweeney like a real life booze-soaked cartoon character. His scenes feel like I’m watching a bizarre ultra-violent Raising Arizona.

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 9.29.59 PM.png


And, the story of a God losing this lucky coin causing everyone around him to die is exactly what I need between sex scenes.

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 9.33.01 PM.png

sicc piercing, bro

#6 American Gods Is Woke AF & This Homosexual Muslim Sex Scene Between An Immigrant And Genie Prove It

I never thought I’d write that sentence in my life.

First of all, thank you Neil Gaiman for imagining this religiously and sexually progressive scene. Second of all, thank you Starz for airing it. Third of all, HOLY HELL this show leans in harder on taboo topics (that shouldn’t be taboo) better than anything else on television.

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 9.48.14 PM.png

“Do you have any Visine?”

Plus, dig this, the characters name’s – Salim and Jinn – together they spell Sinn.

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 9.54.32 PM.png

This is also a badass catchphrase if he was the hero in an action movie.

#7 Media Makes A Subliminal Appearance

How good would Media be at her job if she didn’t subliminally flash on our screens once in a while as an all seeing eye?

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 10.15.56 PM.png

“Sauron ain’t got shit on me.”

#8 OHH That’s What ‘Head Full of Snow’ Means

Shadow pictures snow, and it starts to snow. I get it. Next, he should picture burgers.

If I was the main character the title ‘Head Full of Snow’ would be about my dandruff. My scalp is dryer than Aubrey Plaza reading a math book aloud. My shoulders look like they’re covered with instant mashed potato flakes. If I put on an spacesuit helmet, and filled it with water my head would look like a snow globe. If anyone has any remedies please leave them in the comments below. Please. Seriously.

#9 Do Not Adjust Your Screens – You’re Right, This Is The Worst CGI Car Ever.

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 10.18.26 PM.png

That’s it. Moving on.

#10 Make Yourself The Bank, Duh!

The simplest way to rob a bank (minus using magical powers to conjure snow), is have everyone think you’re the bank! This whole episode I expected a ‘Reservoir Dogs’ shoot-out, and instead watched strangers hand money to a man on a chair. Brilliant!

Screen Shot 2017-05-15 at 4.51.12 AM.png

Same Odin, Furrier Crown

I lived in Chicago for six years, and can say with 100% accuracy that this would work during the winter. It’s hellaciously cold. If I was carrying an envelope of cash from my job at *Spencer’s Gifts to the bank, and this man said, “I’ll take it from here.” I’d throw the money at him faster than the wind blows through buildings.

*TRUE STORY: I was fired from Spencer’s Gifts for stealing tongue rings for my mouth.

#11 WTF Kind Of Phone Is This?

Screen Shot 2017-05-15 at 5.12.50 AM.png

“Hi 911, why is there a cord on my phone?”

This blew my mind. What kind of phone is this? I haven’t seen anything this big and useless since my Aunt showed me her DVD player. It can’t even text. Lame.

#12 When Someone Asks If You Believe In Love There’s Only One Correct Response

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 10.35.43 PM.png

Finally, Shadow and Mr. Wednesday have their heart to heart in the car. I was worried it wouldn’t happen this episode, but it was worth the wait to learn the only thing Shadow believes in is the only thing you need…love.


Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 10.33.46 PM.png

Oh him? He’s a rescue :)

#13 From Alive To Dead To Alive While Dead

This ending is perfect! We started the episode with a new death, and we end it with a death getting a new life.

My only prob with this scene is Laura’s tombstone is whack as hell. C'mon Props Dept. rip that sign out of the grass, and give her a rock with her name on it.

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 10.39.55 PM.png

I know what I’m talking about too because my best tweet is about a tombstone.

Otherwise, it was a great cliffhanger for next week.

We all kinda knew she was coming back, BUT I wonder how many people besides myself thought she’d open her mouth, and Dane Cook’s dick would fall out of it.
Instead, when she spoke we got something just as unexpected

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 10.38.52 PM.png

I think you mean Papi.

See you next week for Episode 4! Until then, I hope you stay–