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March 11, 2017

Honestly, who wouldn't want to see Lumiere clean Cogsworth's clock?

Disney has said that there will be an “exclusively gay moment” between Le Fou and another man in it’s upcoming live action adaption of ‘Beauty and The Beast.’

Sure it’s a huge leap forward for “The Mouse,” but as big-time BATB fans, there were so many more homosexual encounters we were hoping to see this time around! Give these dream hookups a read and just try to keep your “beast” in it’s “castle!”

1. Lumiere and Cogsworth


Lumiere is dripping with two things: wax and sexuality! Cogsworth, of course, is wound pretty tight, something tells us that he wouldn’t mind getting his clock cleaned by candlelight. We’ve seen a clock with a face, but a clock with an “Oh Face?” That would really get us grinding our gears!

And the chemistry between Lumiere and Cogsworth is absolutely undeniable. They’ve totally got the vibe of your favorite gay couple: The witty quips. The flirty teasing. One constantly burning the other with an open flame. It’s so Kurt and Blaine.

Here’s hoping that we get to see these two fucking the springs out of one another on the big screen. And if the plates and spoons want to get in on that action too, well be our guest!

2. Gaston and Beast


This would be dream come true for the “Masc on Masc” community. There is so much physical tension between these two beefcakes! Were we the only ones who saw their big, dramatic fight scene and screamed out “God, just FUCK already” right there in the theatre? According to Pam, the manager at the Loews who asked us to leave the premises, yes!

These are two classic pretty-boy Alphas, so we’re keeping our fingers crossed that the newest release has a new scene where Gaston and Beast play a very chippy game of squash in the castle’s basement gym. Rivalry turns into respect. Respect turns into sweaty, raw lust. Then they hit the showers… hard. With that chiseled physique, we bet that no one bones like Gaston, either!

3. Mrs. Potts and Belle

belle and mrs potts.jpg

What’s that? You heard “gay” and only thought about relationships between two men. Wooooooow. Well guess what, BIGOT? Women can be gay too. And the proof will be in the pudding when we finally see Belle fuck a teapot.

Sure, Mrs. Potts is a little older than Belle, but we have a hunch that this princess won’t mind snagging herself a little tail as old as time. And the taboo mother-daughter dynamic of this tea-time hook-up only makes it that much steamier.

Some of you are probably thinking that Mrs. Potts is too wholesome to get down and dirty, but need we remind you that this nasty little voyeur lurked in the shadows so that she could spy on the entirety of Belle and Beast’s date night? She may have sent Chip off to the cupboard, but something tells me Mama stayed up to polish her spout, if you know what me mean. This bitch is a certified kink!

4. Phillipe and Sultan


You all remember Phillipe, Belle’s horse, and Sultan, the dog that was transformed into a footstool, right? They may be minor characters, but the thought of seeing these two LITERAL animals in the sack is making us majorly horny.

And true BATB fans know that a four-legged fuck fest involving these two goofballs would be full of that classic Disney slapstick humor. (Or should we say “slap-dick?”) Maybe Sultan tries to mount Phillipe from behind but can’t jump high enough to reach to the horse’s shapely and muscular buttocks? Or perhaps Sultan is performing such incredible oral sex on Phillipe that in the throws of passion, one of his large hoofs knocks the footstool across the room and into a dirty bucket of water? Honestly, the comedic, and sexual, possibilites are endless!

5. Maurice and The Wood Chopping Machine


The fact that Maurice is an older bachelor that chose to never remarry kind of gets swept under the rug (or into the closet!). But he does have one “love” in his life besides his darling daughter: his Wood Chopping Machine. Hey Maurice! We bet with a few tweaks you can switch that thing over from chopping wood to laying it. No matter how old you get, there is always more to discover about your body, Maurice! Remember that!