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February 02, 2011

With Oprah getting her own network recently, a different television powerhouse is also getting a new network.

Move that big ass over, Oprah, a new big ass is taking over. 


With yet another new show that just recently debuted and more spin-offs on the way, the Kardashians are getting a network of their own (women watch some strange crap). The E! network will now be officially the KardashiE!n network. Here are a few programming highlights of the new network:


"The Ass vs the Forehead"

With Justin Bieber currently caught by a cougar, Kim Kardashian needs to look elsewhere for man-meat.  So, Kim and Khloe battle to lure the next slightly above average professional athlete. O.J. Simpson stiff arms himself into the competition claiming he is just as responsible for getting the family famous as that sadistic ass. The competition dark horse, a naturally-aging Bruce Jenner.


"Spin-off of The Ass vs the Forehead: The Ass vs The Nose"

Kim and old buddy Paris Hilton battle to try and sniff out the difference between 5 o’ clock shadows, old Paris flame Matt Leinart and Brady Bunch family of Kim, Brody Jenner. Series low-point, when other former USC Heisman winner Reggie Bush is repeatedly mistaken for Leinart. 


"American Psycho: Made for TV Movie"

With time to kill, Scott the boyfriend randomly decides to recreate his favorite “feel-good date movie with that charming Christian Bale chap.” Most disturbing scene, a sick three-way that leads to more douchy offspring of Scott.


"Kourtney Takes… Modeling?"

Kourtney wants to model for Baby Gap, as either a mom or a toddler, but her Lilliputian frame is continually blocked by her giant half-sisters. Yeah, that will keep her busy for a little, otherwise she will be a contestant on “For the Love of Ray J”.


"The brother $hows his junk"

With a recent offer from Playgirl, the brother decides to follow the family footsteps of showing off that Kardashian booty. Expected twist, the mom decides to pose for the magazine too, this time without the flag covering her junk from the only episode that I’ve seen.