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December 04, 2011

I watched "New Territory" so you don't have to. It's pretty bad. Read this if you're curious as to why.

I decided to watch Carlos Mencia's new special "New Territory" for fun, just to see how bad it was. I'm not a huge anti-Mencia person. Yeah he stole jokes and is pretty heartless about it. It is what it is. But this special was touted as a new writing style and new delivery from Mencia, so I was interested enough (I just didn't care about the Lions\Saints game to be honest).

I knew I wouldn't like the special but I didn't know how many things would annoy me. Here are 11 reasons "New Territory" sucked.

1. Blatant Pandering - Right off the bat, Carlos doesn't even tell jokes. He kisses the audience's ass, tells them how awesome they are. If that wasn't a cheap enough pop, he decides to tell us how he's been all over the globe (god he's awesome) and that on America's worst day, it's still the best country in the world. The performer in me had to give him a golf clap on that one. I see what you did there. Now tell jokes.

2. Moral Superiority - Carlos does a lot of finger pointing and back patting (or some of this) in this one. YOU wouldn't give money back to Native Americans but do you know who would? Carlos Mencia would. He also tells the audience they are going to tell their friends his jokes, fuck them up, and lose him fans. Interesting. "Victim" Carlos would be a running theme in the special.

3. He Looks Weird - If Obama looks like Curious George, Carlos Mencia looks like the mexican love child of Tig Notaro and Nick Kroll. Apparently one of his obese friends has diabetes and he told Carlos that he looks fat. It messed with Carlos pretty good and got him to lose weight. It's actually pretty funny so that story isn't in the special.

4. This Is What You're Saying\Thinking- One of my biggest pet peeves in watching comedians\performers, is when they say "I know what you're saying" and "I know what you're thinking." No, you don't. If you have to use that as a crutch for lazy premise writing, okay, that sucks for you, but Carlos did this at least 5 times in the special. That's...awful.

5. Manufactured Bravery - Carlos Mencia did a brave thing you guys. He actually had the bravery to say that "red states" and "blue states" are all shit. Yes, he pointed out there may be flaws in the two party system. Guys...he might be dead by the time you read this. The powers that be will not be happy he let this monumental secret out. I couldn't believe he had the balls to say things most people think (and say).

6. All About Carlos - A lot of stand-up comedy tends to be personal and audiences connect with that. Not so much when you're talking about how famous you are and the rich problems you get in. Also, did you know he can speak some French? It's funny to see how he forces that into his act. How else would we know he's better than we are. Also, did you know he is being sued by CNN? Poor Carlos. That was a pretty good "Victim" moment.

7. You will laugh - This was the most audacious thing ever. Carlos tells a joke about ice...and the ice machine at fast food joints (yeah, laugh riot) and when he's done with the joke, he TELLS the audience in the future, they will be at a fast food joint, see the ice under the grates at the ice machine, and they will laugh. Will they, Carlos? Will they? Even the live audience was iffy on that one.

8. He's Still Mexican - Lot of Mexican jokes still. For a couple minutes I was worried we wouldn't get any Mexican impressions and stereotypes. A nice "ghetto Carlos" chunk because when I think of Carlos Mencia, my first thought is "ghetto." I have to give him credit for this one (I'm fair!) actually. You'd think he drilled that "Mexican" thing into the ground, but here he is with new Mexican jokes about the Mexican antics Carlos and his Mexican buddies get in to. Mexican.

9. Let's Get The Jokes - Joke not working, say "come on people, let's get the jokes." Works every time. I loved these moments because you can see the fire in his eyes. He's out there being a clown, doing an act, a routine, doing everything EXCEPT being himself. Those little moments in this special though, when things don't go how he wanted, you can see the real Carlos, and it's actually pretty neat. More Carlos and less Dee Dee Dee! Actually, he hasn't done Dee Dee Dee in this special!

10. Dee Dee Dee - Nevermind. Around 45 minutes in, we get the retard thing. New writing and new delivery style though! I was ready to sing the praises of Carlos for not doing it. It's pretty easy to use the ol catchphrase\clutch.

11. Black Men Aren't Good Fathers - Nearing the end of the special I was wondering how he would end the special. He did his Obama joke and had about five minutes left. This is when he tells a joke about how a black audience member didn't care for his Obama joke at a past show. Mencia gets pumped up and says he's lucky he doesn't tell him the truth about Obama, and the truth is "The only black part about barack obama is that n****r don't know his dad." - End of special.

These are just my opinions. Carlos Mencia is more wealthy and more successful than I'll ever be probably. I'm not "bitter comic" or anything, I was just surprised by how bad the special was.

To be fair, here is a link to a stand-up clip I've done recently that people can point out the flaws in:   http://youtu.be/qb4-GpP0GbQ