*paid programming emerged in the world soon after the appearance television.
*98% of the people on Paid Programs who claim to be "Licenced To Kill" are actually not, and the other 2% are dead.
*2 out of 10 old people on average have died while watching Paid Programming.
*Theirs a 30% chance that your listening to a Paid Program right now, and if not, your thinking about taking that risk.
Like Meth, Paid Programming gives you a false sense of power. . .
Now here are some products featured on Public Access Television that are sure to make you complete uncomfortable.
1.The Shake Weight
My Boyfriend impromptu gift is so awsome
The Shake Weight has been gaining recognition in the exercise equipment world since 2009. The work out equipment that has been featured on Paid Programming many times and has since been discussed on the Ellen Degeneras Show, and has even been the sub plot for an entire south park episode. The shake weights popularity is largely contributed to its name, its look and how you use it.
Some say Judging a book by its cover is wrong, i think the majority of us will pass on that for this. originally intended to help women get those Michelle Obama arms, many women have been using it to improve form for handing out handys. . . giving hand jobs. I imagine that this is quite popular among strong, single, self empowered woman and also prostitues, hookers, and trannys looking to improve their form. but if this seems a little unfair for you men out their dont be mad, they recently just came out with the male version
My Boyfriends impromptu gift is so awsome
2.Happy Hot Dog Man
Yes people this actually exist. Whenever i believe that corporate america isnt taking over our youths minds i simply take a look at this and let out a well deserved "what the fuck?". The Happy Hot Dog Man ( which really doesnt deserve to be capatalized) is a plastic tool which changes your regular hot dog into the shape of a creepy edible humanoid figure. the whole purpose of this is to make "Dinner time fun and exciting" and fails, but what it does accomplish is making even the most serious hot dog eating contestant want reconsider what they do for a living, and yes were talking to you Kobayashi.
I imagine he's screeming in terror
3. Time Life Music Collections
The Time Life corporation was founded in 1961. Since then, Time Life has been breaking out music collections of all those rock n roll & country hits from the 60's, 70's and 80's, and making your ears bleed with each new release. Time Life is magic folks. As we far as we know, humanity stopped making terrible music in the 90's (well at least not as much). But still Time Life has managed to keep generating new hits from the 60"s, 70's and 80's for years now.
The ONLY reasonable way that explains why this keeps happening is this. The Time Life Corporation is stuck in a time loop that goes from 1960 -1989 and repeats all over again. Its suprising that nobody who works at or with the corporation has noticed this, most people would have noticed that something was strange after seeing John F Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., and John Lennon get assasinated for the Zillionth Time. Which of course may tell us that the workers at the Time Life Corporation are indeed, PURE EVIL
Dr. Evil, Worker at Time life from 1961 -1989 over and over and over. . . .