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January 08, 2015
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O.J. Simpson's Stolen Heisman Trophy Has Been Found, How Else Will O.J. Continue To Be In The News For The Next 20 Years

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Exhale, America! It’s been 21 years since the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman and some form of O.J. headline has made it’s way into our newspapers (and news feeds!) since that day and now we have an O.J. headline in 2015! Who would have guessed we’d still be living with this tremendous saga 21 years after hearing about those murders for the first time? Not me!

O.J. Simpson’s 1968 Heisman Trophy was retrieved by authorities yesterday after being stolen 20 years ago from a trophy room at the University of Southern California. O.J., of course, is still currently in jail after a kidnapping and armed robbery conviction in 2008, no change there, but you knew something was gonna come up so that America could say it has now entered a third decade of O.J. Simpson headlines.

Of course we all got so bogged down in the O.J. Simpsons trial and all its questions. Did he do it? Is there any other possible explanation? Must we acquit? Watching the trial every day, questioning our trust in the legal system and slick high priced lawyers, and holding our breath at every move of Judge Lance Ito’s steady hand. All of us were entering adulthood, assuming that this kind of frenzy happened once a decade or so and America would eventually move on from this to a different sensational celebrity scandal soon enough. But for some reason the O.J. case has stuck with us through all the others.

Now, I certainly don’t doubt that this O.J. saga is going away anytime soon, and it shouldn’t for the health of America. In today’s fractured public climate, we could all use a common interest and history has taught us that we are ALL interested in O.J. In fact, it has some very real potential to be in the news for another one, two, or, hell, let’s make it three more decades. The news just has to be a little creative to keep the saga relevant. Here are a few possible ways we can #KeepOJInTheNews.

1. Start a #KeepOJInTheNews hashtag on twitter – Slow news days were built for stuff like this. Get enough redditors behind some random cause and watch a bored USA Today columnist pull up his “Trending Now” list, then sit back and revel in all the O.J. buzz.

2. Biopic – This is a no brainer, just attach a buzzworthy director, an Adam Sandler or Will Smith-level actor and a few teaser for the teaser for the teaser trailers and you can get a solid three years of O.J. think pieces, oral histories, and youtube SPOOF videos out of it.

3. Make a youtube SPOOF video – Why wait for the biopic? Youtube SPOOF videos want one thing: to go viral. The O.J. Simpson case practically invented ‘going viral.’ What would the SPOOF video be about? Literally anything. Just spitballing here: Pho J. Simpson where O.J. is eating Vietnamese soup with black gloves on? Comedy is easy.

4. Name a football play after O.J. – No matter how you feel about him, you can’t deny O.J. was a helluva footballer. And the NFL will be relevant for one or two more decades, so name a halfback sweep after the legendary running back and announcers will be saying his name until someone finally just dies on an NFL field and the sport is finally banned in America.

5. Just let him out of jail and see what happens – For the good of the nation we must make this one exception to our legal system. You know once he got out O.J. would get into all sorts of shenanigans. Better yet, let him break out Shawshank Redemption-style. The U.S. government has pulled off much bigger conspiracies, I’m sure.

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