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March 08, 2010


OKay...so we have this fossil at work and the thing is, I've known her a long time and I know that she's the kind of person who would give you the shirt off her back (she'd also remind every day of your life there after that she gave you that shirt, but whatever.), and she's not a terrible person. She is, however, terribly annoying. She's the one that you have to avoid eye contact with if you want to slip out and grab a bagel or something because...it's almost like she can smell it on you!!! "You goin' to Timmy's???" (For those of you who aren't Canadian, Tim Horton's is the poison of our choice and actually it is how to tell cool people from the others, because cool people call it "Tim's" and whiney freaks who are too lazy to go and get their own coffee call it "Timmy's") Anyway, trying to step out and get a snack/lunch when she's on is a bit of a challenge because even if you manage to outmaneuver her out the door, she will bitch and whine and vent and complain at you the entire time you are sitting in the break room trying to have a BREAK because she wanted her tea from Timmy's. "You should know that girl!! I always want my Timmy's!! What do you have there? A chocolate donut. I was waiting for someone to ask me and you know something? If you asked me I was going to ask for a chocolate donut today! That's what I felt like having. How much was that? Maybe I'll ask Oscar to get it for me when he goes..." And she just goes on and on and on and also, she never SITS!! She kind of walks around you while she's talking, reading over your shoulder, and then she'll open the door, but still stand at the open door, still talking! and you get hopeful for a moment thinking she's going to leave, but then she stands there talking at you some more and then eventually COMES BACK INSIDE the break room and asks how much longer you will be on your break because she MIGHT go to Timmy's herself once you're done. The day she goes to Timmy's herself...look out for pigshit because they will be flying overhead. It's already amazing enough that every single time I manage to go to Tim's without asking her, I manage to buy the EXACT breakfast she has been thinking about since she woke up that morning. It's a gift. Like syphilis. Anyway, my poor friend Andrew did nothing but get up that morning, LOL and let's just call her "M", bustles up to him and wants to know if he ate her Cheese Strings. "No." He only works Tuesday with me and then he works weekends, the Cheese Strings went missing on Weds. She asks if he worked Thursday. "No. I only work Tuesdays and on the weekend." "It could have been Wednesday! Did you work Wednesday??" "NO!! I only work Tuesdays during the week! I am lactose intolerant and I don't eat cheese strings!!" She doesn't let it go. Very bad idea because Andrew and I are in a huddle on Sunday morning and he's got a vein popping out of his forehead because M is hassling him about the cheese strings, and the thing is, none of us would ever eat ANYTHING from that fridge. By "us", I mean the relatively normal people at the store and that fridge is a cess pool, okay? The door doesn't even shut properly and I'm fairly certain you can find half empty bottles of New York Seltzer with sea monkeys growing in them in there...so we just DON'T. Anyway, she is fairly certain that Andrew has eaten her Cheese Strings and is now willing to fudge dates to make it so. LOL So, because I subscribe to evil, I just happen to have some Cheese Strings in my fridge and I'm going to bring them to work today and put them at Andrew's desk at the Tech centre. LMAO!! If she doesn't notice, I'll walk by her with it and tell her that Andrew gave it to me as he has a WHOLE bag in there. LMAO!! It's going to be fun. It's a Tuesday. I won't forget to mention that I SAW him eating Cheese Strings last week and he promised to bring me a couple today. LOL