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April 05, 2011

I will pose 5 questions every week. I will ask who you would rather kill, sleep with, eat, play checkers with, etc.

1) Who would you rather kick in the vagina?

Sarah Palin


Tyler Perry

   I know what you're thinking.  "Dude, Tyler Perry makes rad movies.  I'm stoked for the next Madea flick bro.  Excellent."  And you're also thinking that Sarah Palin doesn't belong in this question since she obviously has a dick. That's where you're all wrong.  She has a vagina.  She has 5 kids. Two sons and three whorish daughters.  Well, we know one daughter is a dirty, dirty whore and the other two are well on their way to blowing the high school hockey team.  Congrats "Hockey Mom".

   Now we definitively know that Tyler Perry is in fact a woman.  Just look at her picture.  She makes superb, smart, dramatic comedies that correctly depict the struggles of African Americans in this country.  It's a close call, but I'm going to have to kick Palin in the vagina, if only to stem the tide of her having more children.

*Bonus Tip*: (Palin really has 13 children if you count the 8 aborted fetus' she has to her credit)

2) Who would you rather have on your side in a street fight?

Dalton from "Road House"


Johnny Castle from "Dirty Dancing"

  Dalton or Johnny Castle.  This is like choosing between having sex with 7 super hot firemen or 8 super hot firemen.  It really doesn't matter who you choose.  There is no wrong answer.  Why would I want a dancer on my side in a street fight?  I posed the question with Johnny Castle for his ability to turn a street fight into a dance-off.  If I'm going to be caught in a dance-off all I can hurt is my ego.

  What I'm about to say is very important.  Do not forget.  You can't turn every street fight into a dance-off.  In fact, it may make matters worse.  That's why I'm taking Dalton.  Here's the other three reasons:(1) He singlehandedly took down Brad Wesley (2) He says shit like this, "Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he'll drop like a stone." (3) He rips throats.

3)Who would you rather do blow with?

This guy


Mahatma Gandhi

Gotcha! Trick question.  If you're a cokehead you'll do blow with anybody.

4)Who would you rather see take a little time off?

M. Knight Shyamalan


Jerry Bruckheimer

  Who am I kidding? I probably wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for Bruckheimz. Just listen to these innovative projects he has in development: Pirates of the Caribbean 5&6, National Treasure 3, Top Gun 2, and Bad Boys 3.  He is a runaway freight train.  Nobody tells Bruckheimer what to do.  If he wants to make "Dancing with the Stars" the movie he damn well will.  And you can tell those piece of shit fucking writers, directors, actors, and key grips to shut there worthless fucking traps or they'll never work in this town again.

  Shyamalan on the other hand has managed to outdo himself with a succession of masterpieces. His first offering, a little known indie flick called "The Sixth Sense" was highly unwatchable.  Fortunately for all moviegoers he kept at it and churned out such instant classics as "The Happening", "Devil", "Lady by the Water" and "The Last Cokebender".

  *Bonus Tip*:  Shyamalan's upcoming project will have a twist at the end    

 5)Who would you rather believe in?

Jesus Christ


The Prophet Muhammad 


Sam Malone