or
3 Funny Votes
1 Die Votes
1,328 Views
Published August 26, 2011

The elderly help younger generations through the journey of life. Elderly people are wise, making them a valuable part of our society. The only problem is that old people are annoying as hell. spend some time with any old dude and you'll be surprised at how small the time frame is between looking like this



to looking like this



If you think our fellow senior citizens are just harmless and cute then your sadly mistaken. and here’s what they can do to make your live about 14% less livable

1.Looking Old


As people age, some are unfortunate enough to undergo severe wrinkling. Aging slows the cell division process, this causes skin to heal slowly, making it more vulnerable to damage and less appealing to grind on, which over time causes WRINKLES! Lifestyle choices, being blessed by the Greek goddess Aphrodite, and genetics may speed or slow the effects of wrinkling. but either way, its not doing any of us good looking people any favors

How It's Harming You

Recently criminals have been using realistic mask from companies such as SPFX Mask and that other mask place nobody really likes to go to, to disguise themselves as harmless old people before committing crimes. One of the most popular of these criminals is the "Geezer Bandit", a serial bank robber with a $20,000 bounty on his head, making him an official story book pirate. Since 2009, he has robbed 14 banks in California, was featured on Americas Most Wanted (R.I.P), and has his own fan clubs on Facebook. It's so sad, one second your steeling a slurpee from 7/11 and BAM! theirs a gun in your cankle.


2.Writing bad wills



The entire purpose of a testament, more widely known as a "will" by us sexy folk, is to entrust ones possessions to somebody they like in the event that they die in a really funny clown car accident. . . or sad clown car accident. Sadly, the elderly know this. Many say wills are only interesting when money is involved. Honestly, your son wont be interested in getting a vintage Viking helmet or 60's play boy magazines when your dead (maybe the second one). But if that that Twinkie you’ve had since your early child hood is worth millions of dollars, then of course he wants it, its sooooooo sentimental. Again, sadly old people know this.

How It's Harming You

If your Relatives are like Gail Posner then get ready to fight. When this millionaire kicked the diamond bucket she left her millions and her kick ass party mansion to her 3 main dogs, giving a new meaning to the phrase "check out those baller bitches". Obviously this didn’t sit well with her son who's living it up in courts so he can get the millions. Anyone who has gone to court for anything (usually panty thieving) can tell you that it will stress you out and steal your soul. Not only does stress and having no soul give you grey hairs, but as scientist have discovered, it can also shorten your life span. So if dying an early death isn’t really your "Thing", be nice to your relatives, or get them to sign a good will, and give your local hit man a call.


3.Driving



Driving is not only an important mode of transportation, but it's also a senior citizens weapon of choice in a gladiator Vs. 7 headed dragon type scenario. People enjoy driving so much that even when they turn old with an amputated arm and funny bone, they still believe its never to old to say "Yo prostitutes, check out my new Benz".

How It's Harming You

Any person in their golden years should be able to drive. That statement would be ok if this math solution didn’t apply to most men & Women

Brittle 80 year old + Sexy Car = Wrinkly hurricane

The U.S Census predicts that their will be 9.6 million people who are 85+ by the year 2030. Couple that with the fact that people who drive around that age are responsible for 4X the death rate of teen drivers per 100 million miles, and you have a scene worthy of a straight to T.V horror flick. So until teleportation is possible, pigs swim (possible), or when ASPCA commercials have a song people actually like in the background. . .


 
Old people can drive :'(



But STOP FREAKING OUT! as long as you keep an eye on elderly people, then everything should workout. Either that or im talking out of my ass and you should seriously keep freaking out. . . your call.




@ILuvDay27




 

Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web