20 Other Shocking Revelations Lance Armstrong Made to Oprah

By A General Nonchalance January 15, 2013 | 46,144 Views
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Oprah sat down Lance Armstrong this week for a revealing interview, in which the disgraced athlete admitted to using performance enhancing drugs throughout his storied career. it was just one of many revelations Armstrong came forth with: 
 
  • Never head a relationship with Sheryl Crow, but has been married to Lisa Loeb for going on 20 years 
  • Yeah, he may have been doping, but he's been riding a fixed-gear bike, which is "like way harder." 
  • Doesn't care for the Chinese
  • Has never even been to France, let alone "toured it"
  • Founded Livestrong "for the chicks"
  • He's been jacked up on cocaine-infused Gatorade since '94
  • Cringes every time he hears the Queen song "Bicycle Race." Not because of the subject matter. Just can't stand harmonizing. 
  • Once got busy in a Burger King bathroom
  • Thinks of himself as a prankster, citing the times he regularly injected Floyd Landis and other teammates with HGH as a goof
  • His regret is not the doping, but the cameo made in Dodgeball
  • Was disappointed that Oprah had not hidden a "lifetime of peace with his decisions in life" underneath his seat
  • Has never heard the word "bagel"
  • Wears an extra pair of bicycle shorts underneath his main bicycle shorts in case anyone tries to pants him
  • Believes steroids is "something you just get but can't really figure out where from. Like the flu or HPV." 
  • Thinks he got steroids from shaking Jose Canseco's hand in 1998
  • Has to look up the word "Bicycle" every time he writes it to double-check he's spelling it correctly. 
  • Repeatedly referred to Buzz Aldrin as his "favorite spaceman"
  • Claims to have invented the ukelele
  • Known to bring live turtles to races, just to see if they beat him to the finish line
  • Can only have sex if he's wearing a helmet
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  • hahaha
  • 21. Uses a set of training wheels on his bike in the garage so no one will see him.
  • 22. Actually still has two testicles because he started out with three.
  • 23. Cheated during a game of Monopoly once by bogarting the blunt.
  • after this boils over i think the 6 people in the world who actually follow cycling regularly will even stop watching
  • 24. Wipes his butt with dried corn cobs.
  • Three words: "Burn After Reading"
 
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