Oprah sat down Lance Armstrong this week for a revealing interview, in which the disgraced athlete admitted to using performance enhancing drugs throughout his storied career. it was just one of many revelations Armstrong came forth with:
- Never head a relationship with Sheryl Crow, but has been married to Lisa Loeb for going on 20 years
- Yeah, he may have been doping, but he's been riding a fixed-gear bike, which is "like way harder."
- Doesn't care for the Chinese
- Has never even been to France, let alone "toured it"
- Founded Livestrong "for the chicks"
- He's been jacked up on cocaine-infused Gatorade since '94
- Cringes every time he hears the Queen song "Bicycle Race." Not because of the subject matter. Just can't stand harmonizing.
- Once got busy in a Burger King bathroom
- Thinks of himself as a prankster, citing the times he regularly injected Floyd Landis and other teammates with HGH as a goof
- His regret is not the doping, but the cameo made in Dodgeball
- Was disappointed that Oprah had not hidden a "lifetime of peace with his decisions in life" underneath his seat
- Has never heard the word "bagel"
- Wears an extra pair of bicycle shorts underneath his main bicycle shorts in case anyone tries to pants him
- Believes steroids is "something you just get but can't really figure out where from. Like the flu or HPV."
- Thinks he got steroids from shaking Jose Canseco's hand in 1998
- Has to look up the word "Bicycle" every time he writes it to double-check he's spelling it correctly.
- Repeatedly referred to Buzz Aldrin as his "favorite spaceman"
- Claims to have invented the ukelele
- Known to bring live turtles to races, just to see if they beat him to the finish line
- Can only have sex if he's wearing a helmet
Up next: 6 Gifs of Miguel's Epic Stage Dive
Added 4 months ago
772 funny votes
900 die votes
Description: Oprah sat down Lance Armstrong this week for a revealing interview, in which the disgraced athlete admits to using performance enhancing drugs throughout his storied career. it was just one of many revelations Armstrong came forth with.
Patience is overrated...
Patience is overrated...
- 21. Uses a set of training wheels on his bike in the garage so no one will see him.
- 22. Actually still has two testicles because he started out with three.
- 23. Cheated during a game of Monopoly once by bogarting the blunt.
- after this boils over i think the 6 people in the world who actually follow cycling regularly will even stop watching
- 24. Wipes his butt with dried corn cobs.
- Three words: "Burn After Reading"