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Published January 22, 2012

With last week's shut down of the Megaupload empire also came the end of Megaporn. Megaporn was unique in the pirated porn video world for including blurbs containing brief descriptions for each of their videos. These descriptions, however, often seemed to be written by a team of Eastern Europeans and shut-ins with little or no background in describing anything ever.  And on top of that, it's quite likely they were typing with one hand.

Fortunately, some of the very best copywriting from this site has been salvaged. Here are five of the best porn video descriptions to ever be dumped wholely unedited onto the internet.

1. Handyman Special - This one actually comes really close to making sense. You can absolutely tell what they're getting at, but it just doesn't hold up.

handyman4

"She is one needy wife that she pulls out her breast for us to stare!" Good job, guys.

2. Hidden Cam - Here, we have a sentence that starts off so much promise, but quickly deteriorates into nothingness.

hidden

They begin as if they're going to give some tough-love advice for creepy people who hide sex cameras, but then they veer off into what appears to be an incorrectly filled in Mad-Lib about a dead man from Finland. Poor followthrough.

3. Asshole Boyfriend- Clearly this is not enough information.

asshole

But that is very likely true in real life. There's no way her actual boyfiend isn't an asshole.

4. Comfortable With The Breas- Try to let you make you try to figure out what they're saying.

let

Really, guys?  You don't even want to come up with two different sets of nonsense for the title and the description. 

5. Telephone- And here's the best worst one. 

are

It's impossible to tell what this means. But -- just a wild guess -- it might translate to "Can you believe this girl fit a telephone up her ass?" Let's hope that's not correct, though.

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