Just sitting here in the library not looking at porn, because who would do that? I’m not a monster and you know my wife isn’t a fan of porn but she doesn’t control everything I do. Why is that guy looking at me so hard, maybe he’s looking at porn? I mean if I was going to look at porn somewhere public it would be a Starbucks, and it would probably be normal, porn, just some girls with soft skin and soft hair and full breasts frolicking on a bed, maybe with a shy neighbor watching through the window. Then they invite him in… Hmm I’m in the corner and I haven’t seen a librarian in like 40 minutes, maybe they can see my internet activity? No they would want to violate people privacy like that, librarians are all are former hippies I think. Look it’s not like I’m going to masturbate I’m just going to see what’s new on porn tube that’s not a crime. Like Porn is art and libraries are places of cultures, including art, penetrative art. I’m just viewing some contemporary art, you know I think there is a whole in my pocket, I could make this sort of like interactive art you know, I’ll just jack it for a little, it would be and insult to this 19 year blond girl and the gentleman she is babysitting for if I didn’t participate, oh no his wife came home, and she wants to teach the girl the right way to blow her husband. Hey is that guy coming over here, I’ll tell him I just found this on her, never mind he turned toward the biographies! I almost made eye contact, with a stranger! That was close, dangerous, I’m like a naughty criminal, what if my wife caught me! And then she would be like no, not without me! I have to get home right now…. Actually no one is home right now, since I’m already looking at porn here maybe I should just, you know fully commit and that water color of a geisha in the foreign section is inspiring me. Well that’s a proper girl, very polite, wait why is there a blender, and fish, WHY DID THEY STICK A FUNNEL UP HER, OH NO I SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE THIS. Ok, I threw up on the computer, maybe I can get out of here without anyone noticing. Just let me sign out. Crap, they will know I was the last one to use the computer. I could never come back but where would I go on Tuesdays? Hmmm, ok I got most of the puke into my bag. I’ll just go before things get weird.
Hall of Fame