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July 13, 2011

We have identified how the human race will become Zombie's! Please take steps to protect yourself from the pending Lobpocalypse.

Recently on Twitter, a very creative person made an extremely profound statement. Why is it when we see cartoon Lobsters they are red? If they are red, they are cooked, deceased, not living. They are dead but somehow they are able to communicate with us? Only Zombies can do this!!! Hence the catalyst to the pending plague upon mankind was uncovered. We would be converted by – Lombies.

I immediately went to see a woman I know who is a top independent marine biologist, Maddy Bovine. Maddy quickly ushered me into her office and closed the blinds. She wanted to have quickie sex with me but I told her I couldn’t as I was on a mission to help save mankind. She told me that our government has known about Lombies for quite some time but only recently stumbled upon their plans to attempt to infect the world in revenge for their harvesting.

Maddy told me that when the “die human slug” signal is given by the High Nephropidae Priestess, these so called cartoon lobsters (Lombies) would switch places with cooked lobsters on the plates of unsuspecting diners, thus introducing their life altering virus into our nervous system! Our government has spent massive sums of money, 14 trillion plus, to block the die signal from the High Priestess but Maddy told me that the “conversion” has already begun…

Maddy begged me to stay clear of anyone who has red peeling skin. Persons who appear to be suffering with sunburn are already infected with the Thackeray Virus, which is what top biologists call it. No one group or race is immune from the virus but for some reason it attacks those of Irish ancestry very hard. Infected persons walk slowly, have slurred speech, stumble, fall, spend money they don’t have, and on many occasions regurgitate the Lombie virus onto others.

Maddy has asked me to spread the word. If you order “lobster”, make sure to take the time to separate the body fully from the tail. Butter spread over the flesh of the Lombie kills the virus. You can also suck out their body cavities to help exact revenge. If fact, you should demand to see the lobster killed in a seasoned boil and follow it to your table. United, we can stop the Lobpocalypse.