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February 27, 2013

Hello internets. I am a 29-year old. Help me say good-bye to my twenties, in the next seven days.


Hello young Funny or Die users. I am 29-years old, at least for the next week I am. And today got me thinking, I told myself "Hey, you've got seven days left of your 20's, you should embrace them." So I started looking back on things I enjoyed in the era of life most commonly refered to as "your twenties." 

Over the course of the next seven days I will do the healthy thing and have a slow, public, social-network driven memorial to say good-bye to my twenties. I want you to join me, online, of course. hungover.jpg


Which brings me to the first thing I want to say good-bye to this week: Cherry Vodka. Now as my friends can attest to, I had a pretty passionate love affair with cherry vodka, if I told all the stories, we'd be here all fucking day, so naturally, I made a top ten list. 



Source: Wikipedia, Ny Times, and Facts.com


10.) It tasted like cherries. 

9.) If paired with the energy drink Red Bull, it is masterfully and cleverly called a Cherry Bomb.  

8.) It made me think that dudes that majored in Art History deserved to get laid too. 

7.) It used to come with a complimentary tube of body glitter (I'm 75% sure on this one). 

6.) It does not pair well with a BLT pizza from California Pizza Kitchen, you will puke shredded lettuce the next day, that is a medical fact. 

5,) HIlary Clinton drinks it. 

4.) So does Tara Reid, I know, because I did a shot of it with her right before she fell off the stage at Mansion (Whoo!! South Beach, Miami Y'all!!!! 2004!)

3.) You are guaranteed to piss yourself in a dorm room at least 1 out of every 32 times you consume cherry vodka. That didn't happen to me, thank God, but I've seen it, my friends are crazy bitches. 

2,)  Cherry vodka contains real antioxidents, so feel good about that. 

1.) Bottomline: It's Skank Juice, let's get real. But I used to love it, and drank it often, it's a part of being in your 20's. So is being a skank. So is saying the word skank. 


Ok, Day 6...