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This post wraps up our regular season and gets ready for season number two: the playoffs. This is where things aren't as funny as they used to be. It was all fun and games getting humurous texts from the other league owners for their ATL comments, but now it's strictly business. Once I get my quote from you, leave me the fuck alone..and I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Since fantasy football is the only fantasy sport I play, I tend to take it extremely serious. I don't know what feeling would be stronger: the feeling of winning it all, or spending the entire offseason hearing a good friend talk nonstop shit about how he won. Just like real football coaches, we can make all the decisions that we think puts our team in the best position to win; but at the end of the day, it is up to the players to execute.  I guess that's why they say NFL coaches and fantasy football owners have so much in common.

 

Professional Blues = me (Fox)

my ninjas = black

Jack D Rocks = brown

Legion of Doom = blue

RamRods = red

Bastard Mutants = orange

T. Green? = green

AK-47 = Adam (only met him a few times and have no idea what his last name is)

CANT WAIT = turquoise

Bruce Blingstein = gray (*automatic win*)

 

 

-mistereffoex

 

 

FaNasty News Wrap-Up (Week 13)

Tuesday 12/6, 4:00PM - The FaNasty football phoenix has arrived. As we say goodbye to the 2011 regular season, we also say hello to the playoffs. We will no longer spend time reporting on anything unrelated to the FaNasty playoffs, so there's the door if you're not on board with that. If you cannot remember our predictions in the week 13 ATL report, don't even waste your time. We were 0-4 this week, yet it was just as exciting for us as going 4-0. Shit, even the *automatic win* matchup was entertaining. This year will surely go down as FaNasty's best to date, and we aren't even finished. We will save the results section to discuss who's in and who's out of the playoffs and instead announce the finalists for the FaNasty News 2011 league awards, also known as the "FaNties."


2011 FANTY FINALISTS

•League's Best Fantasy Player: Jimmy Graham (CW), Calvin Johnson (LoD), LeSean McCoy (TG?), Aaron Rodgers (MN)
-honorable mention: Drew Brees (BM), Arian Foster (AK)

•League's Most Liked Owner: B** J**** (LoD), D** O******** (MN), E***** S****** (CW), D** S***** (BM)

•League's Most Hated Owner: S** C******* (JDR), J*** C****** (RR), B*** Fox (PB), T** P****** (TG?)

•League's Best Owner: B*** Fox (PB), B** J**** (LoD), E***** S****** (CW), D** S***** (BM)

•League's Worst Owner: Adam (AK), S** C******* (JDR), M*** L*** (BB), D** O******** (MN)

*All 2011 Fanty winners will be announced at the end of the postseason in the FN Finals Wrap-Up.


PROFESSIONAL BLUES-W (8-5, 3rd) -- *AUTOMATIC WIN*   (PB: 165pts.)
The Professional Blues went through a roller coaster of emotions this weekend as they escaped near-embarrassment and walked away with a better ranking to end the regular season. Bruce Blingstein running backs Chris Johnson and Shonn Green played out of their minds and actually had their team up by twenty points headed into the Monday Night Football game. But PB Squad owner Fox remained confident that receiver Vince Jackson and running back Maurice Jones-Drew would take care of business, and that's exactly what they did. The two players combined for 43 points and put any *automatic win* upset talks to rest. The P Blues also got another solid performance from quarterback Matt Moore, making Fox's QB decision even tougher with Mike Vick's upcoming return to the starting lineup. Fox was hoping IDP Jared Allen would start to regain some momentum with playoffs on the horizon, and the defensive end did just that. Allen racked up three tackles, forced a fumble, recovered a fumble, and recorded a safety to amass over 17 points. Fox helped launch Bastard Mutants owner D** S***** into first place by defeatingB** J****'s Legion of Doom two weeks ago, and this week S***** returned the favor by defeating Tim Podulka's T. Green? club. The T. Green? loss put the PB Squad in third place and thus in a first round matchup with the lowest seed in the playoffs. While I am sure Fox would never admit it, he must be thrilled with the way this weekend worked out.

CANT WAIT-W (7-6, 4th) v. MY NINJAS-L (6-7, 8th)   (CW: 191pts. - MN: 174pts.)
In a must-win game for both teams, E***** S******'s CANT WAIT club edged out D** O********'s my ninjas to advance to the postseason. My ninjas got stellar play from quarterbacks Aaron Rodgers and Alex Smith, but it just wasn't enough. We wonder how close it would have been if O******** replaced injured IDP Von Miller and played another receiver aside from Brandon Lloyd (whose quarterback Sam Bradford was also injured). It's that never-ending attention to detail that separates winning from losing, and that ultimately cost my ninjas a trip to the playoffs. O******** and his ball club went out with a fight and with class (we think?), and we will be looking forward to seeing them again next year. As for CANT WAIT, team owner S****** got some great numbers from his younger players. Quarterback Cam Newton and wideout Percy Harvin combined for 70 points and helped their club move on to a first round playoff matchup against T. Green?. On a very shitty note, S****** lost running back Matt Forte quite possibly for the remainder of the season. Either running back Beanie "Weenie" Wells or Jackie "Drop Me" Battle will need to fill some pretty big shoes next week if they plan on advancing to round two.

BASTARD MUTANTS-W (10-3, 1st) v. T. GREEN?-L (7-6, 5th)   (BM: 169pts. - TG?: 164pts.)
Quarterback Drew "Corpse Booty" Brees and running back Ray Rice led the way for S*****'s Bastard Mutants as they capped off their regular season with a fifth straight win. The last time this team lost was in week 8 following the CorpseBootygate scandal, so it's pretty clear to see that they're playing some inspired football right now. S***** also earned the league purse for accruing the most fantasy points during the regular season, so a job well done to the entire Bastard Mutants organization. I'm sure he is grateful for those honors as well as the honor of a first round bye. Hopefully running back DeMarco Murray and quarterback Matt Ryan will get back on track during this bye and get ready for their semifinal matchup in two weeks. While S*****'s worries may be minimal, T. Green? owner T** P****** may have a serious cause for concern at the quarterback position. If Josh Freeman's shoulder injury prevents him from playing, P****** will have to go with Caleb "I Dare You to Start Me" Hanie for a second straight week. If Hanie's first start for the T. Green? club was any sign of things to come, then P****** is sooo fucked. Ipso facto, this team needs Freeman to untuck his sack and man up or else their championship dreams could be over in a heartbeat. We are also curious to see how running back Steven Jackson responds next week, because he gave a heartless effort in this matchup. Wonder if being on the St. Louis Rams is starting to get to him. He needs to pick it up right away, because this loss dropped T. Green? from third place to fifth and has their club squaring up against a red hot CANT WAIT team next week to kick off the playoffs.

RAMRODS-W (6-7, 6th) v. JACK D ROCKS-L (4-9, 9th)   (RR: 177pts. - JDR: 146pts.)
Fucked. That's all we've been saying about J*** C****** and his RamRods club for the past two weeks, and they still refuse to listen. We can't believe we're saying this, but the RamRods are headed to the playoffs. First we'll discuss the matchup. S** C*******'s Jack D Rocks club ended their season with yet another loss, and the brash owner will finally have nothing to say headed into next week's matchup...at least when it comes to his opponent. C******* will join us in next week's ATL with his "Five Words" on both playoff matchups, something we're quite excited (and nervous) about. As for this year, S** may wish that he had spent more time effectively managing his JDR bunch instead of trying to psyche out the competition with his words. Wide receiver Golden Tate played well in his team's final game, but it was a far cry from a record-setting day. RamRods wideout Pierre Garçon and running back Marshawn Lynch combined for 60 points, and good production from their other two receivers helped the team gain enough points for a win and a playoff berth. C****** will be starting rookie quarterback Andy Dalton and either wild card quarterback Kevin Kolb or Rex Grossman. All three have big game potential, but the latter two also have shitty game potential. C****** and the RamRods will need to be clicking on all cylinders in order to get past the PB Squad in the first round of the playoffs. They've beat the odds all season long, so we know that they're capable to doing it.

LEGION OF DOOM-W (10-3, 2nd) v. AK-47-L (6-7, 7th)   (LoD: 155pts. - AK: 153pts.)
Legion of Doom owner B** J**** needed a victory and crucial tiebreaker points in order to reclaim first place before heading into his first round playoff bye. Unfortunately, he was only able to get the win. The Legion fell a little more than ten points short from topping Souder's Mutants as the top team in the league at the closing of the regular season. If J**** received better production from his running backs (Michaels Bush & Turner combined for just 10 points) and did not have IDP Patrick Willis go down early with a hamstring injury, the outcome may have been much different. But it is what it is. With quarterback Vince Young headed back to the bench in light of Mike Vick's return, J**** will need to get reacquainted with either Matt Hasselbeck or Mark "Sark Manchez" Sanchez as his second quarterback for the playoffs. Good thing he has a first round bye week to evaluate both players before making his final decision. AK-47 owner Adam, however, will not be making anymore football decisions this year. For how long of a journey their triumphant comeback was, it all ended in an instant. Adam had to sit and watch last night as RamRods owner Jack Covello amassed more total tiebreaker points than him, thus eliminating his team from a playoff berth. Arian "Fucking" Foster needed help from a second running back, and St. Timothy Tebow must have believed that it just wasn't in God's plan to have the RamRods in the postseason this year. Throw in the fact that Adam lost his season-ending matchup to longtime friend B** J****, and we can only imagine how painful and drug-induced his offseason will be.


PLAYOFFS: QUARTERFINALS
 
Bastard Mutants (1) *BYE*   -   Legion of Doom (2) *BYE*

RamRods (6) v. Professional Blues (3) - RamRods owner J*** C****** said he "hates" PB Squad owner Fox. Fox thinks Covello doesn't even belong in this league, let alone the playoffs. This is gonna be good.

T. Green? (5) v. CANT WAIT (4) - E***** S******'s CANT WAIT club proved they deserved to be in the playoffs by winning when they needed to most. T** P******'s T. Green? team won consistently behind the unforgiving swagger of their owner. Something's gotta give.


*Next Week's ATL: "Five Words" with Jack D Rocks owner S** C******* on both quarterfinal matchups




-FaNasty News
 
 
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