Tweets from each political party’s Future Former Press Secretary

RNC:    Much like an envelope, voter fraud must be addressed and directed at people who can’t afford computers. #you’vegotwhitemale

DNC:   Much like an envelope, voter fraud is irrelevant and keeps the US Postal Service dancing. #absenteeballet


RNC:    @americans What’s black and white and red all over? Obama after his political beating on 11/6/12. #ProfilingThisRace

DNC:   @americans What’s black and white and not read all over? Romney’s tax filings. #ProAtFilingHisRaise


RNC:    Can’t spell @REPUBLICANS w/o LUNAR BICEPS. @PaulRyan’s muscles have gravitational pull. Or as @AnnRomney calls it – God’s work

DNC:   Can’t spell @DEMOCRATS w/o SMART COED. @HillaryClinton loves spit roast pigs like Romney. Or as @JoeBiden calls it – Rodham.


RNC:    RT @georgeclooney “Had @BarackObama over for dinner tonight.” We want a black friend! #Obrotherswhereartthou

DNC:   RT @clinteastwood “Fervent roundtable this evening with my most supportive, ergonomic friends!” #swivelrecline&rockthevote


RNC:    @VirginAirlines You are a beacon of hope for women. Legitimately. #flythefriendlyguys

DNC:   @AirTran We don’t know anyone that flies you, but the internet tells us you exist. And all airplanes deserve rights. #runwaymodel


RNC:    What does @BarackObama have in common with Blockbuster? We take a chance on the sequel and the rate of return is zero. #betteroff4yearsago

DNC:   What does @MittRomney have in common with Blockbuster? You walk in to rent a movie and you walk out of a Chipotle. #Bainofourexistence


RNC:    If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, clip the wings and say it flew here illegally. #IDporfavor

DNC:   If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, destroy the bill and blame the right wing for not moving. #wetried


RNC:    And on the 8th day, God invented golf. No better way to follow some rest than with 18 holes of freedom. @americanEagles

DNC:   On the 8th day, the Devil hired an advocate. He will check out anytime he'd like, but he can never leave...the lobby. #unamericanEagles


RNC:    Like @BarackObama, Mitt’s hair is neither black nor white and deserves an equal shot #brownishVboardofeducation

DNC:   Like @MittRomney, Barack is a big city Harvard gal with the right to be an attorney despite what happened with Charlotte #mirandaVarizona


RNC:    Barack has an atheist upbringing & is now a Christian. No surprise when Jesus encountered Barack on the beach He said “Nice Flip Flops.”

DNC:   Always dull, blah, and bland; even when they are baked, Mormons are tasteless. #saltshakecity