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Published April 29, 2012 More Info »
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Published April 29, 2012

I've noticed a common theme of "Motorcycles" in some of my tweets lately. I'm not sure what it exactly means but maybe by reading them altogether you guys can help me figure it out. 

Do they make a motorcycle for people with medium to large size penises?

Was going to stop at 7-11 for a Slurpee but saw a motorcycle parked outside and didn't know if it was safe to go in.

Can you sue a parent for irreparable damages? Found out my dad rode a motorcycle before I was born.

Had a near death experience today!

Can't sleep, I saw a couple of motorcycles outside of an Olive Garden today and didn't call the cops. Probably could have saved some lives.

Just got passed by 3 motorcycles heading into town; is it the "End of Days"?

Was at Walmart and a guy with a tattoo walked past a guy carrying a motorcycle helmet; never been so close to a gang fight!

Giving your kid a dirt bike is the best way to prepare them for a motorcycle (and a lifetime of hating minorities).

Did you guys know that the rev of a motorcycle engine sounds exactly like me wetting my pants?

Q: Would Hitler have done the Holocaust if he had never ridden a motorcycle?
A: Hitler would always ride a motorcycle because he's a dick.

Is there a type of Motorcycle that doesn't cause Cancer of the Personality?

Isn't it a weird coincidence that "Motorcycle" rhymes with "Babypuncher" (it's a near rhyme, but still)

Guys, I just read a Science Magazine that said that Motorcycle wheels are made of 70% Rubber and 30% Black People! BLACK PEOPLE!

Does anyone know if Home Depot sells Electric Fences? My neighbor just bought a motorcycle.

My dad called to invite me over for a steak dinner (I guess he feels guilty for riding a motorcycle when I was still a sperm.)

Top 5 Scariest Movies:
5. Mad Max
4. Easy Rider
3. Raising Arizona
2. Wild Hogs
1. The Motorcycle Diaries

Just saw a guy on a Motorcycle park in a Handicapped spot; I guess "Causing other people depression" counts as a disability.

Wow, they closed down the factory where the orphans build Motorcycles and they opened up two factories (so they can also build tiny coffins)

Quick Exercise: write down all  of the people that have been hurt by a motorcycle, if you don't end up with infinity names, start over.

If you ever notice a typo in one of my tweets, my dad rode a motorcycle when I was still a sperm so blame him.

I thought I heard on the news that there was a "Motorcycle on the loose" turns out it was just a "Murderpsycho". Pfewf!

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