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Published April 12, 2010

I went to a job interview the other day. When I went in to meet the boss I thought it would be fun to have like a funny story for us to tell down the road ,when we're great friends, of when we first met. and I wanted to make a good first impression at the same time. So instead of going for a hand shake while I was introducing myself I reached out and grabbed his cock and shook it as if it were his hand thinking maybe he'd do the same and we'd have a laugh together, you know? He did not though, instead he punched me in the mouth and called security. I just don't understand some people. but I'm starting work there next Monday at $20 an hour as a security guard so it all worked out.

I participated in a poll recently that asked me about how many polls I participate in.  didn't know if I should count that one or not. When I see these survey results on TV I wonder who's actually voting in them. "62% of Americans agree that active volcanoes are dangerous."  Wow! that's stunningly low, I would of thought for sure it was like 80-85%, at least. Where was I? Why didn't they call me or email me or whatever? I would have voted dangerous for sure, cause of the lava and all.

I hate that guy on ESPN Jim Rome. Everytime I flip through the TV menu and see that his show Jim Rome is Burning is on I tune in just to see if he's actually on fire this time.

I did this experiment where I went to a Nascar race with a clipboard and walked around counting how many times I heard the n-word. but I was wearing my Jeff Gordon t-shirt so I heard alot more of the f-a-g-word. I don't know why so many Nascar fans hate Gordon, maybe it's because he has all his teeth. or because his wife weighs less than 250lbs.

I met a lovely young girl a couple days ago at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store in my town. That's really the name of the store, some of you may know it. anway I took her out to see a movie and everything was going great so I tried kissing on her neck a little, but she wasn't having it and said she wanted to take it slow. I kept at it though, a few minutes later I went to kiss her on the lips but she pulled back and said again she wasn't that kind of girl and wanted to take it slow. A little later I was kidding and said "If I get you some popcorn will you give me some head?"  She said "No, you idiot!" then I said "Well what can I get you that will convince you to give me some head?" and she said "I like the chocolate goobers." So I said "Well goddamn it! Why didn't you tell me that to start with?" and I stormed out and left. The next day she called me and said "What happened? I was only playing hard to get, I'd of sucked your cock right there in the movie theater if you'd just been a gentleman and gotten me the stupid chocolate candies I asked for!"

that's all for now I've got to think of more to add
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