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Published September 27, 2008

Hey all you fake face fence wearers.  You know who you are.  You are the ones that order glasses with fake lenses in them.  You think that just by wearing glasses you will look studious or something.

You think that just because you put a piece of hardware on your face that you are going to be the next Einstein?  I think not.   Take it from me.  I have worn face fences for most of my life and I still have to figure out which relatives I have. 

Wearing glasses is a sign of partial blindness.  Don't laugh at us by wearing glasses with no prescription.  I have dealt with contact lenses when it wasn't fashionable to be a fence face wearer.  I hated wearing glasses because they always got in the way everytime I kissed a boy.  I had to take them off and then had to feel his face to see where my lips would go.  Then I got sick of contact lenses.  So don't persecute me by wearing glasses when you don't need them.  I have suffered this malady for years.  Nobody insures us myopic individuals.   And you.  Parading around with fake face fences acting like they belong to you.  Thinking that you "look better" in them. 

We, the honest myopic bats that we are, will search you out.  We will hire roadstops at all hours of the day just to stop your car and make you step out onto the side of the road and take a test.  We will make you take off your glasses and put up a number of fingers.  Don't you dare fake it.  We will know.  If you guessed it right, you are busted!!!  We will confiscate your fake face fences right then and there.  You will then be put on suspension from glasses forever.  Until you can prove you have a prescription to wear them.  Reading glasses are passable.  You need them to read.  But, otherwise, you are doomed with 20/20 vision.  So there!!!  I earned my right to wear glasses and you should too!!!

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