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Published November 05, 2008 More Info »
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Published November 05, 2008


I have a confession to make.  I voted Yes on the Gay Marriage Ban.  I don’t want to get tied down.  I’m gay, I wanna get tied up! I definitely don’t want to form a lasting partnership and be able to visit my lifelong love in the hospital.  That’s depressing and deep and I only like real shallow stuff like rainbow necklaces and dildos that don’t look like dicks!  No, once my lesbian lover gets sick, I’m outta there.  Take care of yourself, fictitious lesbian love of my life!  I’m a Homosexual – not a Homo-love-ual.

Let’s face it, I’m having gay sex right now.  And in sixty-three hours, when I’m done, I’m gonna go teach some kids what homosexuals are with my new book “Freddy the Gay Refrigerator”.

So, thanks to all the conservative, god-loving, gay-fearing people who voted to strip my marriage rights away.  That was a close one!  Now, please get going on taking away my right to vote.  Because I had to stand in such a long line yesterday, and that was the hour that I usually put a sock in my pants and pretend to be a man.  

One last thing, now that there’s no gay marriage I can get back to destroying straight marriage.   It’s just too much fun to hit on your wife and make her question everything.  That is the gay agenda after all, that and… piña coladas for everyone!

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