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September 24, 2008


As Vice President,  I will stop the spread of "cheap money" sloshing around and ecourage green subsidies for anyone choosing to live off the grid.  I will employ Julia Butterfly Hill as my wife and Director of FEMA.  Julia will teach us all how we can live with just one stainless steel pot, spork and cup.  She will instruct the nation to "stop flushing" and start composting.  Lehman Brothers and their sisters and cousins will be forced to engage in "tree sittings" throughout the world.  Cats and dogs will no longer require licenses to purchase weapons.  Meter Maids will be forced to work in the nude, making them less likely to step out of their little vehicles to issue tickets.  I will add an extra hour to the 24 hour day to encourage mandatory "random sex time outs."