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October 20, 2017
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New York City was rocked last night when a man on trial for a vicious assault, was found innocent of all charges on the grounds that he was Saint Nicholas himself.

New York City was rocked last night when a man on trial for a vicious assault, was found innocent of all charges on the grounds that he was Saint Nicholas himself.

Quite how this trickster was able to fool a Judge of such high standing and decades of experience is still at this point unknown. The most alarming revelation is that the entire court, including the prosecution, were said to celebrate the verdict. In addition, the residents of the city of New York all appeared to back the decision, resulting in one of the largest scale deceptions of modern times. The con man, described as being in his 70s with a large white beard, is still at large. Authorities have warned anyone encountering this man, not to approach him and to contact the police immediately.

It wasn’t until a few hours after the release of the con artist, that the realisation of his deceit began to hit home. An anonymous source who worked with the prosecution is still baffled as to how it all happened:

I know Santa Claus isn’t real. I’m a single father with kids and personally buy them all their Christmas presents. What can I say? He was very convincing.

Parents across the city were deceived into believing that a fabled legend, also known as ‘Father Christmas’, would bring their children gifts via some sort of sleigh capable of lightspeed travel. The prosecutor continued:

As a result of being overworked I’d planned on doing all my shopping on Christmas Eve, but left the court convinced Santa would provide for my children instead. Needless to say, that didn’t happen. My kids are devastated.

Department stores throughout the city, who rely on Christmas Eve sales to form a large portion of their profits, reported transactions dropping by as much as 90% last night. Many smaller businesses may never recover.

A leading psychologist has commented on these unparalleled events:

Con artists tend to have sociopathic traits and chameleon like personalities. They speak and gesture in a certain way that result in their victim (also known as a mark) hanging on their every word, virtually hypnotised. Most con artists tend to target individuals, not entire cities. What’s more, they’ll often attempt to pass themselves off as businessmen or investors, not mythical figures from folklore. What this gentleman was able to accomplish is quite simply unprecedented.

Witnesses claim that the elderly grifter was working with one accomplice, a six year old girl who was able to use her ‘adorable disposition’ to help cement the elaborate scam. The girl is currently being questioned by the authorities but is refusing to cooperate.

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