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July 14, 2016
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The best places to curl up into a little ball in these uncertain times.

Wow. What a week, huh? In light of recent events, here are some of our absolutely favorite places to crawl into and curl up into a ball.


YOUR UNMADE BED

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This is a classic spot–over the sheets, perhaps with some laundry on top of it. It shows you don’t have time to even make your small corner of the world more habitable, allowing you to deeply contemplate the sadness of the world and your inability to alleviate said sadness.

CARDBOARD BOX

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Readily available cardboard boxes aren’t just for playful cats these days–try getting in one yourself. Though it’s difficult to find a human-sized cardboard box, the sensation of climbing into one that’s way too small for you and feel it break under the weight of your body adds precious fuel to your futile reflections.

A PILE OF SOMETHING

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Be it sand, leaves, or garbage, this is a great option. Covering yourself with objects lessens the pain a little bit, temporarily, even if those objects are sharp or unpleasant. Plus, no one can find you under there. You just need to be alone right now.

THE CHAIR AT A FOOTLOCKER

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Sometimes it hits you when you’re out and about, just trying to pick something up to distract you from the grim reality we all now face. You’re looking at a new pair of Chucks and the next thing you know you’ve collapsed onto the ground and are seeking shelter underneath the cold metal of a chair where a fifteen year old boy is trying on basketball shoes.

UNDERNEATH A SENSORY DEPRIVATION TANK

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Why crawl INTO a sensory deprivation tank when you can crawl under one? That’s right–there’s a particular brand of hopelessness that even being deprived of your senses can’t cure. Strip naked and prepare yourself for an emotional release, then slowly sink to the ground and slide underneath the tank. Cower, knowing that to deprive yourself of sight, sound, taste, and smell is a luxury that most of the world can’t afford.

THE DESK IN THE OVAL OFFICE

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If you happen to be in the O.O. while you’re feeling low, pull a John Jr. and climb under that Resolute desk to take a break from it all, for one short moment, allowing the overwhelming tide of human history wash over you like the oxymoronic sensation of a hot rain.


Of course, these aren’t ALL the places you can crawl into, but they’re some of our personal favorites. We’re always looking for more spots to bemoan existence, so sound off in the comments with any hot tips!

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