What is comedy? Like all creative mediums, it is the expression of ideas. But is comedy the expression of good ideas? Or of bad ideas? Could it be both? And who is to say? It is unclear. But what is clear is that this article is called “MILFS: Malms I’d Like To Fuck.” Malms I’d Like To Fuck is an idea, that is for sure. Indeed, it is an idea that exists and, apparently, whose time has come.

In some ways, right now is the absolute worst time to release this article. You see, not only was this very idea voted the least favorite during a recent poll in which we asked readers “Which of these dumb ideas should we move forward with?” But more to the point, right now there is a massive recall of Malms, the budget IKEA cabinet line, because of the accidental death of two children.

In light of a tragedy such as that - a truly awful heart breaking tragedy - how could anyone possibly write an article about Malms they’d like to fuck? I don’t know. It’s unconscionable. And yet, this article is called “Malms I’d Like To Fuck” and it is filled to the brim with Malms that I’d like to drill holes in and have sex with. That’s just what this is.

Perhaps it’s because this article could be considered not only awful but also deeply offensive that this idea has chosen now as it’s time to exist. Or perhaps it’s because I can’t be the only person for whom this awful joke suddenly appeared, and in that way the material realization of this terrible idea may serve as a catharsis of synchronicity, proving that all humans are truly the same.

Without further ado, I now present to you, sans additional commentary, a collection of Malms I’d Like To Fuck.


Malms I’d Like To Fuck

Little Malm.JPG

Lil’ Malm


Chubby Malm.JPG

Teen Malm


Platonic Malm.JPG

The Platonic Malm


Slender Malm.JPG

Tall, Slender Malm


Body Bulder Malm.JPG

Action Hero Malm


Sumo Malm.JPG

Sumo Malm


Malm with Boyfriend.JPG

Malm with Hot Boyfriend Malm


Malm To Fuck Malms On Malm.JPG

Malm To Fuck Malms On Malm


Droid Malm.JPG

Child Malm

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