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November 26, 2012

After a pathetic attempt to fight with brilliant comedian, Jenny Johnson (jennyjohnsonhi5), Chris Brown relinquished his strangle-hold on his mistress, Twitter. Given that it was his number one source of happiness, he has begun finding new ways to entertain himself.

After a pathetic attempt to fight with brilliant comedian, Jenny Johnson (jennyjohnsonhi5), Chris Brown relinquished his strangle-hold on his mistress, Twitter.  Given that it was his only source of happiness, he began searching for ways to entertain himself.

Chris fights his reflection:

Several hours after cutting himself off from Twitter, Chris got antsy.  He noticed a guy at his window that looked very similar to him.  He was sure the guy was spying on him, so he charged at the window.  He punched and punched with all his might and broke through the glass. Sadly, by the time he made it through, the guy had vanished.  He found him again in his bathroom.  He repeated to punch the mirror until he disappeared again.  This continued until everything with a reflection in his house was destroyed.

Chris yells at the elderly:

Worried that the ghost man that was haunting him might come back, Chris left to get some air.  Driving around, he noticed a group of elderly people. They were coming out of a Legion, laughing and carrying on the way that old people do.  This threw Chris into a fit of rage and he spent the better part of an hour yelling at them for being disgusting and dumb.  They demanded an apology, which is not Chris’ style. They ganged up and beat him with their walkers and canes for the rest of the hour.  Chris quit them and drove off.

Chris befriends a Llama:

Fighting took all Chris’ energy.  He visited the San Diego Zoo because animals can’t fight back, or so he thought.  As he sat on the bench, he felt a huge glob of spit land on his perfect neck tattoo.  He turned to find the source was a Llama.  He respected that the Llama was aggressive like him, so he tied a rope around its neck and brought it home.  After many hours fighting the Llama for spitting and shitting everywhere, Chris kicked it off of a cliff near his place. Before the Llama fell all the way down, he texted Ri Ri to make sure she wasn’t mad; she wasn’t.

Chris visits his mom:

Chris was having a bad night. No more twitter followers, no ghost-man to fight, beaten by elderly, and a cool Llama hang out gone wrong.  Overwhelmed with emotions new to him, he drove to see his mom.  Chris told his mom everything that had happened over the day.  Chris’ mom told him that there might be a better way to go through life.  Chris was pissed she wasn’t supportive and wreaked havoc on her good China.  His mom demanded he apologize. He didn’t see why he should, so she kicked him out.  

Chris drowns himself... IN COMFORT FOOD. (Jeesh guys!):

The day had taken its toll on Chris.  He drove home to his reflectionless castle, and ordered his favorite meals.  He sat, wrapped in his comfiest blanket, slippers on, and gorged.  He got himself ready for bed and bent his head to pray, when he realized how angry he was at Jesus for not making Twitter easier.  He sat and yelled at Jesus until he fell asleep.  When he woke up, he wanted to be sure Jesus was cool with everything, because Jesus runs all social media sites, so he prayed to him for an answer. He responded quickly saying "You are forgiven.", to which Chris replied "I never apologized silly."