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December 31, 2009


Everyone knows that Charlie Sheen got drunk and went all crazy up in Aspen this week with a butcher knife and a wife. Well I couldn't believe it myself seing how he seems such a nice man on 2.5 men. Which should be refered to as possibly the funniest damn show on t.v..  Any who. No one seems to understand what an amazingly stupid thing this is,,,, in Aspen of all places.

Ok this is a huge break for Aspen Police because since the death of John Denver (The greatest Hippie folk singing mofo ever, if you like hippie mofo folk singing.) because thats the only thing they ever did , pick John Denver up he's drunk again. The Aspen Police wrote John Denver DUI's I think 3 times, once I don't even thing he was in his car. But thats was the summit of Aspen Police activity untill Charlie Sheen.

Aspen is an UBER society of rich people, I mean these cats play big leauge ball. Once I was in Aspen and I drove by the airport/ air strip and there were 25 private Jets lined up in a row like a giant matchbox collection. Another time I was in Aspen I was going over to a restaurant(details sketchy  I was really faded) and I remember the radio commercial saying " When your done skiing, think Spain, Villas renting by the month." I thought to myself how great it would be to get tired of sking in Aspen so I call the pilot of my private jet and tell him in three days we go to Spain.

So Aspen Police are (Analogy comming) like Bowling Bumpers,more so than Cops. You know they kind of make sure your in the lane and never in the gutter. Sure when they write you a ticket they ask you if you  would like it Mailed anywhere in the world for your accountant but other than that they really don't expect much in the line of real investigation. Now I am sure that if a Aspen cop reads this I'll be set strait because they are sensitive, thats why they work in Aspen, wouldn't want to hurt anyones feelings.

I am sure when the call came in for Domestic Violence both officers on duty opened the trunk of their squad quad and retireived their pepper spray and thier dress beanies. They also probably called the one cop not on duty that got tired of the LA crap and took the job in Aspen, She probably is the only Cop on the force that has ever had to deal with physical crime.

I'm sure that the questioning went as follows from the Aspen Police Protection district.
You say he had a knife? Yes, you say he was comming at you with the knife? Ok was there a pie anywhere on the counter? Well if there was a pie on the counter Mr. Sheen could have been going for a peice of Pie, and you just thought he was comming at you with the knife.(Damn no pie.)
Ok was there any kind of food in the room? No? Ok was there anything in the room he could have been wanting to cut? Ski bindings maybe? No? Ahhhhh. Jesus. (Man were going to have to tag this guy.)
Was Mr. Sheen Joking around? Well some people have a strange sense of humor. (Oh god why couldn't they have done this in Malibu.)
You have witnesses? (Fuck me raw.)
Ok,ok,ok(don't panic) Well we will certainly detain Mr. Sheen and try to resolve this as quickly and as quietly as possible. You mean its on the News? Who called the News? (shit)
Someone call the Chief, its on the news, we have a code RED. 
Code RED...... its on the News. Fox picked it up. Its going to be a long night, some one order some Strudels I'm going to fire up the Cappacino machine and try to let all the resorts know their guests  dirty laundry is still safe as long as no one calls the News.
Yep Aspen. Great place if you have the money. Charlie Sheen probably doesn't think its so cool anymore. I think he was making like 850 grand an episode. Plus the underwear money. Wow he must have been really pissed. Well in every life a little rain must fall. I am glad that Brooke is ok, and that maybe now Charlie is getting the counsil he needs. Some times people fight, rich people, poor people it doesn't matter, what matters is that you never touch when you are angry. EVER. That is what works for me, because when you are angry its easy to get emotional so when I am arguing or fighting I always say its ok to scream, its ok to stomp around a flail your arms, Dont touch. Its an easy thing to say even when you are mad, you just say don't touch.Try it when you are arguing with someone. Just place it in a sentence every other sentence. You say like this. " WELL YOU MOTHER IS A BITCH JUST LIKE YOU DONT TOUCH." " LIKE YOUR COCKSUCKING BROTHER WOULD KNOW ANYTHING ANYWAY DON'T TOUCH."  Sounds stupid but I found that when I say it out loud when I am angry I reinerate the importance of self control. Now this is Sober, Substance abuse, forget it. You loose. I think that Domestic Violence is often the result of Substance abuse. That is something everyone must find their own path on. Their own way. I don't understand how anyone could love someone they fear. I don't get it. For me fear and hate share the same portion of the brain. Love is somewhere else. I never want the people I love to ever, ever , ever fear me. Thats why I say never touch anyone when you are angry touch is for peace, touch is for love, anger can not have that, it doesn't belong to anger. It is owned by Love. anger can have the screams anger can have the display, dance, Touch belongs to love. Only love. Wow I got all real all of a sudden.