Published July 23, 2009 The Crypt More Info »
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Published July 23, 2009

As with all good things, some have to come to an end. After entertaining you chumps all week, today’s my last blog post for Funny or Die – those deadbeats aren’t delivering on their promises. I was supposed to be supplied with a daily stream of on-call nude Asian masseuses, the finest Kush money can buy, and a fountain of the finest malt liquors.


Instead, all I’ve gotten off these guys is a warm bottle of Boone’s Farm and a well-worn pair of Ben Wah Balls. I’m contractually obligated to keep dropping my golden nuggets of wisdom for the next 5 years, but I’m working on a backup plan. I’m thinking of laying low and opening up a respectable chain of dead dog-filled Mexican taco joints. It’s better than catching crabs, I guess. (I should know, I’m having another flare-up as I type this.)


So consider this my tear-filled goodbye. I’m crying almost as much as that time I got my short and curlies caught in a table vise (seriously, don’t ask). If you’re still begging for more, hit me up in the Twitterverse or in my Secluded Mountain Fortress known as


Ya’lls my mofuckys,