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Top 10 ways to get a white NBA player

 

  1. Know which tall white guys are actually NBA players. You can never assume just because the guy is over 6'2” he making millions. (Sorry to bring attention to you guys that have been using your height as a booty magnet)
  2. Find out where your local white ball player frequents. They typically have their favorite spots in to hang on their home turf. If you like one that will be visiting your town find out where the black ball players hang. Guaranteed you'll find a white slang throwing baller with them. (White ball players hang with the black ones. There's no racism in basketball. Well unless you are one of the two with the initials of D.S)

  3. Learn Serbian, Turkish, German or Spanish as only 21% of NBA players are white and somewhere are 15 of them are actually from America. That said, be willing to shut your mouth and make a damn sandwich when he asks.

  4. Straighten the sam hell out of your hair, use whatever chemical needed. Whether it be lye, Thioglycolic Acid or ammonia leave it on as long as you can. So, you'll suffer a few blisters and scabs on the scalp, nobody will see those, they'll just see the beautiful flowing hair. Note; if your hair isn't down to your mid waist... GET A WEAVE!

  5. Let him know that you're okay with infidelity! I mean unless you plan to pull a Jackie Christie, hit all of the away games and put the smack down on any woman giving your man the goo-goo eyes, including his mama, be prepared to live a life in denial. Who am I kidding? Be prepared to live 10 years in denial, scream “CHEATER”, file for divorce and then take half.

  6. Learn to be the best stalker ever. “Oh, that's funny I'm running in to you again. Hehe! Must be fate” *Show big beautifully veneered smile.

  7. Be a skinny and in shape broad! Get fat AFTER the ring!! *Only jumpoffs are allowed to be “thick”.

  8. Make sure your boobs are big, round and firm! If you don't have em', buy em'!

  9. Don't go in the sun! Stay as light as possible. As a matter of fact go catch Vitiligo, it'll better your chances.

  10. Read my book for a step by step guide to dating white men.

In all honesty, it is rare for the white men in the NBA to marry a black woman. Mostly because many stem from other countries and end up marrying someone from their home turf or someone that resembles that. Shout out to Jessica Olsson and Dirk Nowitzki on their recent engagement. I'm glad he gave sistas another chance after that first con artist wreck that he was engaged to. Good luck to you both!

 

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