Below is a recap from ‘The Bachelor’ on 1-18-16. Spoilers, obviously.
1. A Hot Tub in the Middle of Nowhere
For the first one-on-one date, Ben chooses Lauren B. She’s a flight attendant, one of the Lauren’s, and is indistinguishable from at least four other girls in the house. Ben takes Lauren B. up in a small propeller plane contracted by a company called Sky Thrills. Seemed terrifying, turned out to be pretty fun and romantic, until they started kissing and kept bumping head mics. And that was the beginning of the end of their chemistry. They take a walk/weird piggy back to a hot tub in the middle of nowhere! (Ben must of got a deal after last week’s date that took place in a hot tub store.) There was some more awkward, closed-mouth kissing and Lauren B. told some boring story about being simple and her dad’s lawn.
2. These Women Suck at Soccer
Group date time! On this date is Lace, the twins, Olivia, and some other girls. They meet Ben at the LA Coliseum for some soccer with some badass professional soccer players. After some awkward training (mostly the women getting hit with soccer balls and making jokes about balls) they had to play to stay on the second half of the date. Some boring stuff happened with people who’ve never played soccer before like scoring goals on themselves and wild uncontrollable kicks. Then, in an incredible twist of reality television scripting, the game ends in a tie. Some girl I now know as Rachel got hurt so that let Olivia’s team score, I think. I don’t know. Honestly this segment was way too long. No one likes watching regular soccer; I was barely paying attention to this version.
3. Everyone Hates Olivia
Olivia is aggressive and asks Ben for time and treats him like they are in a relationship. You know, like they are all supposed to be doing on this game show to find a spouse. But damn, these ladies do not like the way Olivia is doing it so they started picking apart her body and said she had bad toes. Olivia seems shady and kind of bitchy, but bad toes? They are literally the least important body part.It’s so obvious that they couldn’t find anything wrong with her, they just said her toes.
Then Hot Amber told Olivia that girls were talking about her and Olivia guessed it was about her calves or cankles. Like real quick to guess. And then she said, “You know what, I do have ugly toes. No one is perfect.” Sometimes, even the crazies have a point.
4. No One Gets Jubilee’s Sarcastic Personality
To her absolute shock, Ben picks Jubilee for the next one-on-one. She’s so nervous that her quiet sarcasm does not play as a joke and each girl feels personally insulted by almost everything Jubilee says or does. Ben picks her up in a helicopter and because she is scared of heights Jubilee jokes, “Does anyone want to go on my date?” Most of the ladies lose it because they have zero sense of humor, but good thing Ben gets her jokes because Jubilee confesses that she just wants to be able to say her jokes. Her first joke ends up being a terribly sad story about her whole family passing away. Not funny, but now we understand Jubilee and how right she was when she said that she is more complicated than other women. Remember Ben’s first date with Lauren B. when she was talking about being simple and her dad’s lawn being fascinating?
5. Olivia Cries Over Her Cankles
At the cocktail ceremony, the somber mood continues because Ben got some terrible news about some family friends dying in a plane crash. He basically asks for someone to talk to him about it and Olivia does her usual dive in to get time with him. When she sits down she goes right into a story about people online making fun of her cankles. The man just told you that he lost people close to him and the first thing you say is that it’s hard to have people talk about your cankles? Oh Olivia. I feel less bad about the women making fun of your toes.
6. Amber Is a Third Wheel
Jubilee set up a thoughtful massage to help Ben feel better and the other ladies were again, personally insulted. Especially Amber. Amber thought Jubilee was flaunting her rose around. You know when you fold up a paper airplane all intricately and then you give it a good push and it crashes to the ground instantly? That’s what Amber did here. She thought she was going to have a big moment where she exposed Jubilee for something, but she doesn’t even know that Jubilee is complicated so her attempt falls flat like a dumb paper airplane. I’ll say it again, GO HOME AMBER.
7. Lace Breaks Our Drama-Craving Hearts
Something strange happened because crazy Lace was the most sane person on the whole episode. Were her meds corrected? Lace pulls Ben aside and lets him know that she has been embarrassed by her behavior and wants to go home and work on herself. Those aren’t the words of a woman who called herself crazy/not crazy six times last week. Those are the words of a woman who will probably go home and better herself. I can’t believe she is gone. There are some big crazy shoes to fill. I hope someone steps up.
Ben sent two more ladies home - Shushona (I think she spoke Russian to him once) and Hot Amber (she took it hard and gave up on human beings as a whole). I wasn’t surprised at all, I can send six or seven more of them home right now. Mark my words, your days are numbered, Jennifer!