Full Credits

Stats & Data

August 01, 2009



Jim McPartland


Reader Warning- although the following is a true story, it’s advised that certain bird lovers (Amy, that’s you) refrain from reading because of the potential upsetting nature.

Shelton, CT 7/26/09- More than 20 people were arrested here Sunday after a bird fighting ring was broken up at a private residence. 150 birds along with $8000 were seized.

That wouldn’t be unusual it’d been Bridgeport and roosters were involved.

But it was unusual because they were-


Mainly saffron finches.

City Officials and Animal Rights Groups alike had never heard of such a thing.

Male finches can be aggressive during mating season. How one would know A) how to tell gender of canaries without DNA tests and B) exactly when mating season is (I guess it’s now in CT) is beyond me.

All of the human participants were immigrants from Brazil. I never thought Brazilians were so bored bloodying each other that they sat around and tried to figure out how to get their jollies watching other creatures fight. Alligators? Too dangerous.  Armadillos? Too boring- they’ll just curl up and lie there. Red Uakari? Hell, no—remember what that chimp did to that woman in Stamford?

You wanna fuck with me?

The owner of the house was also charged with interference with police after he ran and locked himself in a room. How tough can you be setting up little Tweeties to maul each other but hide like a baby when the cops come knocking? I just wish he’d run in a room full of canaries to see who really ruled the nest.

“OK, ya got ‘em where ya want him- now go out there this round and give ‘em the meanest chirp ya got!”