0 Funny Votes
4 Die Votes
Published April 20, 2011

“I know what Americans are thinking,” says a fashionable Syrian rebel fighter, dressed in a striped white and green shirt, camo pants, and Dr. Martin boots, “why the hell do those guys have to look all ‘third-wordly’.”

The rebel, Abdul-Jalil, continued, “Well my answer to that is that you’ve got it backwards. You’re the ones dressed third-wordly. We take fashion pretty seriously over here. That’s why you won’t ever see us dressed up in uniforms or shaving our faces. We’re just a very fashion forward people.

“Fashion sense is a big part of who’s in charge here. If you’ve got style, and look badass, men will follow you into combat. Men will die for you if you look awesome enough to make it into a CNN or BBC shot.

“I think one of the reasons this war started was because Gaddafi’s style went stale. He had impressed the nation for years. But he lost the eye, and he knew the price he’d have to pay. In the end he was just stabbing in the dark with those ridiculous outfits.

“We have a saying here in Syria, ‘The one-eyed man shall pick a shirt from his closet, and the two-eyed man shall wear navy blue to strike the goat.’”

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