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November 12, 2010

letter to Santa

Dear Santa, 

    To be quite honest with you, my behavior in the past eleven months has been nothing to boast upon. I don't feel as though I've wronged or cheated anyone in any way, but i feel as though some people are offended and/or intimidated by my beliefs and dry, crass sense of humor. In my opinion, these are deep rooted personal discrepancies that need not to be altered, but bestowed upon the appropriate party. All in all I've had no intent of being malicious and therefore have concluded that i should indeed be rewarded with a gift of my liking this X-mas. 

    Santa, please bring me a pretty young girl (19 - early20's) with a nice round butt. I would prefer that she: 

    1. has no luggage (ie; children, crazed ex, religious     beliefs) 

    2. is polite and honest 

    3. does not use drugs 

    4. enjoys similar music and movies as i do 

    5. shorter than me. 

    If this is too much to ask, then jump up your own ass and don't expect to be treated to the bourbon and cocaine that i normally leave out on the table for you.