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July 29, 2014

Kanye West files for divorce

NEW YORK- Grammy winning artist Kanye West has reportedly left his wife of 20 minutes, Kim Kardashian, for himself. An insider reports the limousine hired to take the newlyweds to their hotel made a detour, upon the request of Mr. West, to the nearest court building. Leaving behind a dumbfounded Kim, the esteemed producer ran into the building and immediately filed for divorce.

Walking out of the courthouse he went on to explain “It just hit me in the limo like..Kim is a great girl she really is but she ain’t me, fam. I got 21 Grammys, six albums, my own shoe and a label. I’m the best, I have to follow my heart and be with the best. Thats why I’m petitioning for same-west marriage. I want to make it official and take my own hand in marriage.” No states currently recognize one’s marriage to him or herself as legal. It is believed that thousands of Americans who are in love with themselves, like West, are forced to subject themselves to relationships doomed to fail due to these discriminatory laws.

Kanye West has openly been in love with himself since his freshman album The College Dropout debuted in 2004. That album and all others proceeding it are filled with lines celebrating his self-adoration. Some of the not so subtle lyrics such as “I Am God “, “So amazing, I’m amazing” and “I’m the illest motha—— alive” allude to the fact he has always been his one true love.

The high profile divorce is expected to be one of the most expensive in Hollywood history. Sources close to Kim Kardashian say she will be redeeming her divorce punchcard to help with the costs.