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March 04, 2010
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So...I've worked in retail for 20 years and I've seen some things. I caught a guy shoving three clamshell cased copies of "The Little Mermaid" (in VHS), down the front of his pants and I've even made a shoplifter shit their pants when I crept up behind them and yelled "HEY!!" I may not have seen and heard it all, but I think it's fair to say that I have heard and seen ENOUGH. And then there was today. I go to walk down an aisle and I see the full moon, as in not just a little plumber's crack from someone bent over, but I actually see THE FULL WHITE ASS, to the point of what I'm pretty sure is an invitation for marriage in the jungle, the ass of a...woman??? Nope. Dude with long hair and kind of dressed like a chick, the belt IT wore was half way down IT's ass, hence when IT bent over I could see it all!!! I'm like, "ew." So, because IT looks a bit degenerate, I decide to keep an eye for shoplifting and as I walk closer to where IT had been standing...the SMELL, evelops me like a three day old taco that's been left in the sun. I'mnot entirely certain, but I'm fairly sure that the smell was an exact melange of ball sweat and pig shit. It was unholy!!! So, here's the thing. Dude wants to dress like a chick..FINE. If that's your bag, more power to you BUT! Please, for the love of God, BATHE like a woman would!!! And please, please PLEASE!!! Bend at the knees if you need to pick something up. That was totally gross, dude. I'm searching the black market right now for a Krytonian Mind Wipe!!!
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